This journey of many tasks

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This journey of inventing,
Of finding the right ways,
Of creating moments to die for,
This hard task of losing one’s identity in order to emerge as one steady force,
Of finding in the depths of one’s heart the strength one never knew existed,
This amazing adventure that makes you feel so blessed and humbled, when all these years you wandered lost and without a home,
Never stopping for a moment to believe that you were much more than what you thought you could be,
Digging deeper beyond the hard rocks that convince you otherwise ,
Bypassing layers of the common and rudimentary that conceal the true riches of knowledge,
Undertaking this journey of regaining the spent and what once slipped the mind’s grasp,
Knowing deep inside that doing all of the above would mean to climb a steep mountain with nothing but a can of will and some crazy balls,
Realizing also that failure stalks close behind with ominous memories of cruel voices that once seared the mind,
Knowing also that the mind is also one of the greatest enemies for it seems to want to indulge in the game of loss,
Playing as if it were a game, this game of abilities pitted against the odds of just letting go,
Never understanding that chances are few and not many, the more things seem to change the more they seem to reinforce the sly spirit that wants the easy way out..’
Never understanding that life is something that you work against, not to create legacies and gratifying tales of greatness,
Its like a part of me is imbecile and slow to life’s silent threats, never waking up , always willing to allow the treacherousness of the evils dormant in the human heart,
Never play with a human heart, never lose sight of the unseen, thats where your true glory lies,
See how lies convince you of taking the easy out…?
See how you slowly give up your dignity to the elements of chaos and strife…?
A life lived with righteousness is what’s right,
Better to die for what’s right than to surrender to the shame of the weak willed ,
Better to be a warrior and die in honor than confuse oneself with the traps of the world,
Its time to make the last stand,
I pledge myself to never quitting on my higher nature’s voice,
GOD resides in me and beckons me on
Peace

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A few words that caught my attention on a sunny august afternoon

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See the shallow pool that drowns out the inner fire,
drowning it in the lost wishes of the chained souls trapped in the eternal fire,
blinded by the restless unrepentant waves of the same bland sea,
I am a mess , stranded and dazed on life’s highway,
I dont know how much of this I can take,
I am down on my knees, the dust is in my eyes,
the distance seems great, and my heart is bleeding through its eyes,
take out the needle of pain, I need a kick in my ass,
I need a hit now, I need to be wide awake,
when I stand up and fight against the powers that order me to let it be,
its time to jump off the cliff, I can see the mean jungles filled with predators down below,
my heart refuses to back down,
its now or never,
there wont be another time, for when excuses arise inner treachery is born,
this is how one learns to fly, by jumping off the cliff of uncertainty,
gripping to his heart his dreams and believing in the powers of above,
No one is gonna ever know the pain of your heart,
that’s why it’s important to look beyond the skies,
and into the stars, fly young dreamer, let not the ghosts of the past haunt thy soul,
and chain it to the ground, see the eagles and the angels…?
You belong to their echelon, Dont give up when the night is dark,
when everything seems lost, and blades of confusion slice and dice,
Remember who you are, where you’ve been, and how long you’ve come from afar,
Be not afraid , for the creator of the highest heavens is by your side,
dip thy quill into the ink of the unconscious and let loose thy precious dream,
lose it not in the dense thickets of past and present sailors of the same sea,
your voice is your soul and longs for the canvas like a sailor’s wife staring at the sea,
start now and stick by its side like a faithful wife,
the times are changing, the times they break me,
never home, untamed ,lost in the land of the wild and free,
my words are ever transcendent, I am the warrior of the defeated,
my heart beats with the rhythms of poets and forgotten warriors of the pen,
my nights are filled with shadows of forgotten dreams,
they are turbulent and make me sweat and breathe like one damned to think,
they rip straight through the heart, and enter the present moment like a demon from a nightmare,
I have been high and I have been low,
never knowing where to go,
I wanna teach myself something clear so that it never leaves my head,
‘ In the end, the only thing that matters son, is what you put into those minutes and hours that stretched forth into the
long road before your eyes hidden by the heat of the sun…’
Never give up, fight the battles that seem to never die,
Never give up, be brave hearted and strong, have the heart of a lion,
Keep marching on…!

 

The bird’s song

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The sheets of night are pulled away,
Dawn is near,
Its echo brightens the skies in a crescendo,
I sit lone next to the windowsill,
Another day, another song,
A sudden burst of melody, undeniable, so pure,
Draws me to my heart’s silent tears,
My ears catch the melody so sincere,
So unspoken and grasping the inner gladness of her raw innocence,
Its a she, I listen to her everyday,
I’m hoping she sings everyday for my heart often goes astray,
Remind me of your maker dear one,
Remind me to sing despite life’s unbidden swings,
I have not sold my soul, I am still the same deep within,
We are alike little birdie perched on a tree,
Soft and resilient, wondrous cousins,
I love thee nature’s silent angel,
Fly away now , the day has begun,
And we both have shoes to fill,
Mouths to feed and songs to discover in the vast emptiness of within,
Bye bye for now birdie,
Our hearts were as one in a fading glimmer of the sky’s magic mistress,
We shall meet on the shores of dawn morrow and share our intertwining tales of passion,
Until then adios tiny amigo, carpe diem

A Recent Meditative Experience

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I always begin my surmises with a little insight into the way my mind behaves when confronted with a task, though gritty and primarily involved in extracting, is also pretty much the only lone thing that can still fascinate me the same way rainbows enthralled me back in the day. My mind appears to heave back and forth with nervous citations of how the present moment does not seem to be right, or how it seems really desperate for that some ready pleasure and bent on getting its way. But I have been involved in this sordid affair long enough to understand how each decision that guides me astray would end, the result usually ends with me sporting a frown and berating my indecisiveness to the pits of hell. I was focused now on getting this out of my system, there are certain troubles that one encounters when there is a lack of method involved in a particular experience, writing is training oneself to grasp the inexplicable tangents that conscious experiences can bring upon. Now I have neither trained myself under some program nor have I let someone teach me my art, I have always jealously harbored my skill under my own heart, by letting my heart guide my penning endeavors. Letting the heart preside over something that needs tact and precision can be pretty rough at times, for the heart stumbles a million times and often does not have the manipulative will of the mind, nevertheless deep inside the heart’s mansions resides the soul, my true master apart from my divine creator. 

My thesis regarding today’s experience centers around a meditative experience, now it has been long since I have meditated , because my mind these days is rather laden with cumbersome thoughts that often leave me frustrated since they occupy my mind thoroughly and offer me little respite from their nagging questions, my ego for one is never one to back down and dubiously accepts the challenge at the cost of calmness and peace of mind.  It was an evening when the sky had dimmed its color to usher in the dark integrity of the night. A few streetlights burned a bright yellow in the colony, the church opposite had its doors open, surprisingly it was free of the chatter that the evening usually brought upon, I sat lone on the mini wall that led to a lower terrace with a metal grill fence, staring at the skies, I saw a lone star gleam, there was some element of that lone star that stirred up something dormant within me. A slow drizzle had begun, the heavy clouds had closed that window into the depths of the milky way and had decided to stay for a while, rain always feels like conversations between the clouds, its always grey when it rains, I stepped back in into the lone room on the roof, it doubled as my grandparents cottage when they visited, I closed the first gate, and sat cross legged and decided to meditate. The nuts and bolts of my mind were turning pretty slowly, unconcerned of each and every spark that arose in the abstract skies, I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, I took deep cleansing breaths, images flitted across my mind’s eye, recent events, unsolved problems, uncertainties, I wandered away from them with a detachment that only a meditative mind could bring, I walked deeper into my mind’s shifting grounds, I was aware that this meditation exercise was to help calm my mind, but my mind was already calm, I thought to myself that I might as well look around and immerse in the dissociation of the imagination. For a brief while I felt the noose of the conscious mind relax, but language was persistent to follow close behind and translate the experience into something that could later be converted into a transcript, I patiently endured the efforts of language in helping me describe the depths of my own mind, but I realized that most of the ripples in the imaginative pool slowed down as I tried to engage them personal wise. I therefore abandoned the costly nuisance of language and buried myself deep in the forests of my own ignorance, I was lost and I loved it. I pressed on, a brief image happened to greet me, a car of some sort, I did not know what to make of it, was my unconscious mind presenting me a gift in exchange for my silence…? The image brought upon some deep sense of figurative curiosity, I wanted to understand what it was that I was experiencing, but I let it go, deeper I entered, I saw images from my dreams, my consciousness and some other forms exist in tandem with an awareness of a different kind, the consciousness in these realms was so engaging and connecting that I did not want to leave it for the disconcerting existence of the outer world, but as usual signals from my controlling ego became stronger as I left the strange world unhappily behind, duty calls, I had duties in the outer world that needed my attention. I detached myself from the deeper presence and entered back into the world of the senses, calm and restful. I realized how much more beautiful and mysterious the mind’s eye made it all seem, the world of the psychics and the realized, I felt jealous and sad, I knew that I could not live there forever, for my mind is of a strange design, never content, never one to reveal, it only throws me morsels of tiny eternal glimpses that completely brighten my lonely heart and then leave me to the grasp of the outer world’s logic and cold slabs of concrete. As a lover of beauty, the inner world , the mind’s eye is the birthplace of art and deeper living, devoid of concerns for the material and the changing, dreams nourish and nurture the soul, awakening its guidance in the land of the living. I leave now to read ‘The Old Man and the Sea’ by Ernest Hemingway, maybe another time I can sneak back in into the tunnel and forget all about this irritation called Consciousness….! 

Why do you gott…

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Why do you gotta listen to what I gotta say..? 

Cos I am the language of the wordless and the world beyond speechless, 

the light of the stars shine bright on my plight amongst these lethargic dogs, 

Its only a moment, then its lost in the pit of time, 

but listen, see I speak the eternal truth, 

GOD is the poem , I am the lyrical stairs leading to the highest heavens, 

Lose not your concentration, focus , it wont be long, 

how can I be so sure, truth is even I don’t know what I will be speaking, 

but I feel that faint fire burning within, it will be a furnace soon, 

No more do I rent out my heart to sorrow, I gotta empty the heart, 

for a message shall soon be delivered, 

I am done trying to figure out numerous ways to escape this dismal pill called the real, 

Listen wont you…? It is always a battle that conquers our own demons, 

and opens the heart to heaven, did you know the heart and the soul are two strangers..? 

Walking unaware side by side on the field of the open mind, 

letters to unborn children and future generations, 

the fields of corn and the harvest are ready for the day of reckoning, 

the world will soon stop its dismal song, a cold day is upon the race of mankind, 

the poison of the serpent will no longer kill and bury the sons and daughters of Adam, 

enough of this cold and dark confusion, the temptations of this world, 

the sufferings of the flesh, the deaths of millions cursed to the pits of hell, 

let me leave the fate of the world and dwell into my own unanswered questions, 

years of self doubt and insecure relationships, 

being there for the lowly and the wounded , the misunderstood and the misfit, 

summing up my life on this planet with the words ‘ not there yet’ , 

If i don’t say this now, I will forever evaporate , 

lost again never to return from the traps of the flesh, 

listen please , this might be my only chance, 

know that I say this for both of us