Choices – A meditative look

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How to grow in Faith

The night was gradually lessening its grip over the heavens, but to an untrained eye the skies were still as dark and the silence stretched over the land held in slumber. There were a few bright stars whose presence deeply stirred in me the love that I possessed for all of Nature, Dawn… What a glorious wondrous time, for someone who deeply desires silence and solitude as myself… The night and especially dawn are perfect for me, for in a brief darkness dissipates and light enters the picture as do people and their endless problems and their unlimited skills of creating disturbances to the form of day. Its been a while since I wrote something along the Christian perspective, and I have been gripped by that notion to speak something about growing up in Faith. Those of you few who read my posts know that I tend to drift in my dialogues, and wander quite a bit… Similarly I begin this post with a verse from Matthew Chapter 6 verse 24

24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

When we choose to accept Jesus into our hearts we allow the work of the kingdom to enter our lives. Being born again is a tremendous and a rather thrilling experience, but then begins the real journey. Our eyes slowly become open to our own wickedness, and we see the world with a new heart, a heart softened and no longer filled with the deceiving disguises of the egoic. Our lives become more important, we realize how important it is to preach the gospel, but at the same time we become highly aware of the almost impossible feat it becomes. Friends who would listen to our endless nonsense suddenly become guarded and listen to us with highly cynical and displeased looks, we become self conscious of the road and the tone in which we deliver our righteous offering to a world that demands its freedom and the right to engage in it. It is incredibly hard and complex, but only so because we do not equip ourselves with spirit filled prayer, because we do not read and meditate on the word of God( an important necessity, as it feeds the spirit of the new born within) since we do not weather ourselves with the nature of experience. The world that we live in right now is very much sophisticated and filled with layers and layers of carefully constructed designs that we are often oblivious to, and christians are seen as the problem, Christians are boring, too stuck up and highly judgmental about every silly little thing. The truth that we have gained from our born again experience, the truth that we so desperately want to shout out from the mountain tops and the rooftops, that truth that the world so desperately longs and hungers for seems too mundane for the spiritually impoverished, they deem it too charlatan and too religious, they say no to the only truth that can rid them of the chains that bind their souls.

When you accept Christ into your heart, you have to completely wipe out all the unsavory things that had had a stronghold in your life, unhealthy addictions, obsessions, fantasies and desires. Pleasure takes a back seat, and is invested in the institution of marriage, sensation and cheap thrills are discarded and rather found and discovered in the process of living a powerful christian life, and sin is avoided at all costs. One begins to understand the very nature of sin, and finds its expressions in the many enticing desires that are encouraged in the world. One sees in person the immensely hurtful effect that it has in his relationship with the Lord. One understands why the nature of God is Holiness and with no imperfections at all, God can never encourage sin, one realizes slowly and rather painfully that despite their commitment to the Lord they still possess the freedom to choose. And some of those choices can be disasters initially if one does not learn the power of saying no, sin in its very nature is to corrode and completely harden the soul and pull it away from its conscience. The enticement to sin is recognized as an attempt to tear one away from the Savior, to cause a rift, an irreparable separation and to ultimately allow one to detach oneself from the kingdom and right back into the kingdom of darkness. The devil as the Bible teaches us is likened to a prowling lion, waiting for someone to devour, as we grow in our relationship with the Lord we realize the need for maturity. To mature in spirit, to reflect Christ in our lives and to lessen the strongholds of the devil in our lives.

The world cannot be totally avoided, we live in it, we play important roles and fill important positions in the world, but rather we are to give the fullest importance to Christ and God in our lives, for we are nonetheless answerable to He who guards and protects our soul from all the arrows of the enemy. But we are to guard our spirit against the clever deceptions of the world, for sin by itself consists entirely of a beautiful outer layer cleverly constructed to appeal to our inmost desires and fantasies, yet as we get closer to it we find the most greatest dissatisfaction as we prolong our relationship with it. We are unwittingly partaking and engaging in our very nature and allowing ourselves to be manipulated into submitting into something that will control and dominate our lives. That’s why the apostle Paul advises us to put to death aspects of our former lives. And this would include anything that separates us from Christ, if we did not cling to something so temporal and transient despite its fantastic ability to please our senses and rather choose the harder choice of abstinence and self control, we find that actually we begin to nurture the goodness within our hearts. That our spiritual strength grows and our relationship with Christ deepens and we find the peace that comes with loving God envelop and take us away from our life of difficulty and troubles. That we actually win over obstacles that we could have never won over if we depended on the flesh and the ego… If we had decided to do everything on our own, we might’ve have succeeded in the world, earned enough recognitions and accolades to build a lasting legacy that would outlive and last many generations, but of what use would it be if we never lived a Godly life…? If we never learned to trust and depend on God…? If we never learned to love our fellow man through the strength provided by the Holy spirit…? If we never learned to obey and love Jesus our Lord…?

So dear friend you will realize that the more you grow in your Faith, and the more you accept certain unchangeable things in your life and submit them over to the Lord, and the more you utilize your power of Choice over the circumstances that appear in your life the closer you will become to God, the more you will outlast your temptations, overpower your own persuasive nature and overcome the obstacles that have always been a thorn in your life. If you would only choose to devote your life to obedience and your passions to Christ, I certainly understand the difficulties of leaving the more pleasurable parts of a worldly life, its an aspect that I myself struggle immensely with, the devil is a trickster, he will woo you and entice you by praising your unique individual nature or praising your smoothness with the opposite gender, but beware they all lead to the same destination. I am not completely coming down hard on living a normal and comfortable life, I am asking one rather to be conscious and aware of what they are allowing into their lives, since our choices ultimately define who we are. Never be afraid of failures, none of us are perfect, we all fail and struggle with things in our lives, but our God is a perfect God, and His promises and provisions seldom fail only if we learn how to use and engage in them. So learn to pray and submit it all to God in prayer, look after your responsibilities and enjoy the life that you live. It is a wonderful, adventurous and wisdom filled life, brimming with potential and desire to reach out to a world lost in its own desires.
Much love , God Bless
Joey

A short spontaneous post

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The clock shows 12, its a cold wet night, there are silent footsteps that occasionally walk the wet gravel with a crisp soft sound, but apart from that the lingering sound is that of silence… I sit in a deeply dark room, a red beam from a distant sign dissolves into a silent heap on the ground, casting a red jelly like imprint on the darkened mystic floor. Who am I…? I ask that question more times than necessary in a day, I wish that life was all one rapid song, a rushing soliloquy of up and down moments, but sadly sometimes the lingering moments are those that lack music, those that lack finesse, that display the limitations of human consciousness and help the seeker confront the ultimate challenge of survival. To live in a world filled with different shadows of the human mind, to adjust one’s heart to the blows of rejection, of anger and to bear the grief that comes with facing reality takes something away like a silent invisible thief. How many nights have I spent watching the clock tick and tock as it approached the final hour..? As the hands passed from the land of night and gave birth to the form of day, though shrouded in secretive blackness, it slowly searches, longs, even hunts for the light, and then when dawn enters, things attain the clarity of consciousness, the slow methodic, and at times hungry desire to realize, to learn, to renew and to mature, and then it passes from stage to stage, living the cycles of thought, of wishes and of longing, of gaining and of losing and then once again, like the solemn march into the end of one’s life, the light slowly lessens, the darkness consumes the soul, ravaging it with periods and hours of darkness… Then the memories appear, tiny dots that flicker with the space of a blur, then deepening the mind with feeling, the realizations and then the trip into the eternal… And lo a day has passed away… ! 

Beware of Sin – Poem

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Unconfessed sin, allows infidelity to creep in,
Salvation is the cross and the flesh the monster within that has to be crucified and put away,
One cannot allow sin to reside or grow a nest aside the waters that refresh and invigorate,
Sin the curse that drains and closes the door to the world of the spirit,
Sin, the ancient reminder to the Holy of Holies of the first sin,
Adam, our first father , the seeds of disobedience unlocking the freedom to practice sin,
Sin, the door that shuts away the soul and invites the lusts of the flesh to come in and rule,
the heart, the unhappy yet adulterous subject of fading earthly passions,
The hunger that can never be satisfied, the disease that robs man of age, patience and good intentions,
The venomous attack of guilt, poisoning the soul, slowly creeping into the heart,
hideous invisible demons inject doubts, fears and self loathing,
Followers of Christ, put away the enticements that awaken the evil hunger,
put away the little spark that persuades and fills the heart with joyous good feelings,
but conceals eternal rot and divine separation,
the hapless hardened urge to do it once and for all,
to do it one last time, then set oneself free and set right the penance required for forgiveness,
Sin reduces the righteousness of men,
makes him spin the cycle, and he returns a torn, clueless cheat with a lack of conscience,
Torments in Hell await, unheard final cries, pleas for mercy abound, but they have lost their time,
and sin strips one of his feelings towards time, have a little sip, do it one last time, the demons speak,
So close the door, close it now, firm and solid, Accept Christ into your heart,
your body is the temple of God, treat it likewise,
Sin is a cunning dictator, unveiling the true nature of the flesh,
But Lord Jesus frees the man of his unbearable burdens, he cleans the record,
and a man becomes a child, He has now the chance to rewrite a new destiny,
a destiny including God, So flee sin my friend, that evil portal opening up the heart to the hounds and sirens of Hell,
Run, Flee, Tear, Destroy and Escape as far away as you can my friend,
the wages of sin are death and eternal separation from God,
You have time, use it, Use it wisely, Your freedom rests on your choices,
Use them, Ask Jesus in… Cast Satan out,
No man can serve two masters, None..!

Beware of Sin – Poem

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Unconfessed sin, allows infidelity to creep in,
Salvation is the cross and the flesh the monster within that has to be crucified and put away,
One cannot allow sin to reside or grow a nest aside the waters that refresh and invigorate,
Sin the curse that drains and closes the door to the world of the spirit,
Sin, the ancient reminder to the Holy of Holies of the first sin,
Adam, our first father , the seeds of disobedience unlocking the freedom to practice sin,
Sin, the door that shuts away the soul and invites the lusts of the flesh to come in and rule,
the heart, the unhappy yet adulterous subject of fading earthly passions,
The hunger that can never be satisfied, the disease that robs man of age, patience and good intentions,
The venomous attack of guilt, poisoning the soul, slowly creeping into the heart,
hideous invisible demons inject doubts, fears and self loathing,
Followers of Christ, put away the enticements that awaken the evil hunger,
put away the little spark that persuades and fills the heart with joyous good feelings,
but conceals eternal rot and divine separation,
the hapless hardened urge to do it once and for all,
to do it one last time, then set oneself free and set right the penance required for forgiveness,
Sin reduces the righteousness of men,
makes him spin the cycle, and he returns a torn, clueless cheat with a lack of conscience,
Torments in Hell await, unheard final cries, pleas for mercy abound, but they have lost their time,
and sin strips one of his feelings towards time, have a little sip, do it one last time, the demons speak,
So close the door, close it now, firm and solid, Accept Christ into your heart,
your body is the temple of God, treat it likewise,
Sin is a cunning dictator, unveiling the true nature of the flesh,
But Lord Jesus frees the man of his unbearable burdens, he cleans the record,
and a man becomes a child, He has now the chance to rewrite a new destiny,
a destiny including God, So flee sin my friend, that evil portal opening up the heart to the hounds and sirens of Hell,
Run, Flee, Tear, Destroy and Escape as far away as you can my friend,
the wages of sin are death and eternal separation from God,
You have time, use it, Use it wisely, Your freedom rests on your choices,
Use them, Ask Jesus in… Cast Satan out,
No man can serve two masters, None..!

I believe

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I believe 

That sometimes you are surrounded on all sides by dreams, intersections and good happy beings, 

but then the road becomes empty, desolate and lonely, 

and at which time you grit your teeth and brave the stinging winds, the striking sun’s beams and sit below a tree in the middle of a flaming hot deserts, 

Sometimes the only food you receive are the sights of the stars, 

Sometimes the only words you hear are the conversations of invisible beings, 

Sometimes the only company is the bleary reflection seen on muddy puddles, 

Ripples and desolate fields…. The heavens echo the sounds of your heart’s silence, 

My empty room , my lonely heart and the eternal night’s company,

are all I have and carry with me  

Feelings – Poem

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What’s lies behind a pause…?
Why is it so hard to pursue into the emptiness beyond the narrow, harsh and rude countenance of a person…?
A word is no bullet or sword , but words carry more force of vitriol and venom than any weapon created or formed,
What is man alone for…? Do all men perish in meaningless history…?
Does history remember only the greats…?
Where is my mark in history…?
When I was young my mom would sometimes look at me and say that I was special,
and it made me feel warm and loved,
I really thought the world of what she said,
I made the mistake of going into the world and telling them about what my mom said,
Back then I… I did not know that the world was a mean, hard and cruel place,
I did not know that Fathers raped their own daughters
or that… All of one’s precious dreams were cruelly broken and then swept off like it was mud on a sidewalk,
I wish I had a heart that was comfortable in the chaos of the world back then,
but no… I dreamt… I dreamt that the stars were real, that they were not big balls of hot combustible fire,
but I always thought that there was something so magical and strange about it,
I thought that the world was a beautiful place, a place filled with rich trees that were bountiful, infinite and eternal,
I thought that every man had a bite to eat, and every woman had the respect and equality that is to be the right of every human being,
I did not know that there was division, that hatred had started wars to wipe out everyone else who was not like them,
I did not know that entire countries had been destroyed for these unkind assumptions and matters,
When I told the world that my mom thought that I was special, they laughed at me…
It broke my heart, I was telling the world that I was so happy that I meant the world to her,
but they laughed with cruel, hateful and mocking hearts,
Look … Look at this imbecilic trash… He thinks that he is better than all of us,
this good for nothing loser… Who dreams of heroes and faraway lands,
He thinks that he is special… But their laughter despite its arrogant quality also unearthed the mighty doubt that settled in their minds,
What if one day he becomes someone special, I do believe that he would mean something to us at that time,
so let us laugh and then turn away, and not let the little wimp see our own fears growing along with our own mortal fear and ignorance ,
I wanted to let the world know that I was not afraid about what it thought of me,
I believe that I wanted with all my child’s heart to tell them that I would still love them,
But as the years grew by, I realized that I had a sensitive heart,
If I walked on a busy, traffic ridden road, I saw the chaos, I saw the newly born unfed child with the skinny underage mother, their arms reaching out to me for alms,
But I realized that they were really reaching out for my heart, for my compassion , for my understanding, for my transaction of respect,
I realized that they reached out to feel their own deadened heart,
I held the tears in, I always hold the tears in,
I saw the big buildings with self important people walking with formidable, intimidating scowls,
They belonged to the dynasty of importance, they were achievers, goal setters and go getters, I was none,
Life affects me, My own confusions bother me, Who am I….?
Was I chance or is it destiny…?
Are my choices and mistakes Fate or are they meant to be….?
I can never handle the implication of a rejection, and I can take the blow of a scar,
or the feeling that I have screwed up…Yet again… in a long list of failed chances…
Am I broken..? Yes… Do I need fixing …? Yes
But am I happy…? Very much so
And why is that…? It happened not so long ago when I pondered death and ending it all,
and Christ came along…
What’s so special about Him..? I wouldn’t know… I get too mixed up in all the other religious propaganda and the intellectual debates myself,
but … But I have a special way to Him though… Oh yeah…? I wonder what it could be…??
Believe it or not, its my heart… I gave it to Him… And then He entered my life,
and then he really touched me and let me know how saddened He was that the world hurt,
He sat beside me on lonely city nights when the whole city brimmed with a lonely desolate helplessness,
I talked to Him… I told Him the wounds in my heart,
and He sat beside me and He reached out to me,
the silent spectator, the glorious lamb who shed his blood for you and for me,
the Mighty Lion of Judah who watches over me,
The name that demons fear, the name that heals the sick,
And the very same name who is my most special, most precious and wonderful friend,
The only one who stood for me when all the others found reasons to leave and desert me…!

I may not have lived the most spectacular life,
but lo.. I inhabit the same force of nature that has given life to endless generations, from our first father to the 21st century of Facebookers and Tweeters,
and I have a voice, it may not be loud, it is certainly shy… excessively shy… but it contains the wisdom inherited through harsh storms,
it contains the wisdom of endless nights of tears and hopelessness,
it contains the wisdom of old souls, of imagination, of passion, of love, of mystery, of God, and I believe somewhere in those circles I float,
the essence of all that I have in me, the wholeness offered to me by a divine gift,
a call to heal a broken, dying world,
a call to heal, a call to listen when a stuttering homeless man recounts his life’s tale before he goes back to sleep on the road’s side,
a call to forgive the perpetrators who have hurt my heart, a call to forgive the thieves who robbed us of our money, our life, our careers, our wisdom, our everything,
I realize that I merge into the world, I embody the place I inhabit,
I am not a solid, I am the soul,
the architecture of all being,
the spiritual silence possessing the lonely observer trapped in the guise of humanity,
the vision into the layers beneath reality,
I am what God conceived me to be,
I am Me.

Message – Of Disobedience and Idolatry

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‘Rehoboam did evil because he did not want to obey the Lord’
2 Chronicles 12: 14
There is one persistent theme in the Old Testament, and it is that of disobedience.. The Israelites were the chosen tribe, The God of all creation made Himself dear and near to them, He did great miracles and wonders in their midst, some of which have never been repeated as the years have gone by, but the Israelites were more hell bent on getting their way, they made sure that they disobeyed and rebelled against God in their hearts and their minds… They were not aware that our God is one who searches hearts, who sees through every manipulative trick that we so effortlessly pull in our day to day lives. They did not want to enjoy God as a person, but rather their hearts were far from them… Over and over we see that fear knit them close to God, and this fear was manifested in the grand traditions and the dogmas of old… But that Fear did not make them love God, they only feared Him, but their hearts possessed not a genuine love for Him for it was based on Fear. No wonder they strayed away from the Lord. Similarly in our lives do we depend on God because He can do what we can’t or is our love for Him genuine…? Would we love Him even if it meant death…? Would we pray despite our pleas being unanswered…? God forbid that these things should happen, but our God tests men, their desires and their thoughts, He searches us… For the humble, the good of heart who yield completely unto His purpose for our lives and for the loving. So often in our lives more than all the goodness that we express it is often the core attitude that truly guides the direction and shapes the destiny of our lives. What attitude do we express…? Because we are no different than the Israelites, we are rather eager to follow our own desires and see where they lead… We feel a certain form of overwhelming pleasure as we build our own destiny with our own choices and desires… And there is nothing wrong with that choice… But what is our attitude towards God…? Does he play a central role in the architecture of our dreams or is He merely a passive observer whom we occasionally praise owing to the Fear that we possess for Him…?

The earliest humans were eager to construct Idols, no sooner had God departed that they built stone idols for themselves and worshipped them with great enthusiasm. The Israelites were quick to build a golden calf as Moses climbed the high mountains in order to receive the ten commandments from the Lord God Almighty. My understanding of that passage from the Bible, is that the Israelites realized early on that the life they had in their bodies, with all its wanton pleasures and sinful admissions, could not be engaged if they lived under the law of the Lord, under the light of the Lord. They were eager to break them so that they could enjoy the wants of the flesh, but they did not know about the consequences. Only a fool would think that there are no consequences, every action comes with consequences.  The Israelites were mortal and their knowledge was flawed and limited, they did not see the consequences of sin or even if they did, their hearts were hardened enough to not feel their own guilt, they did not know that ultimately one had to give an account of His life to God towards the end, they did not see that the law of the Lord was designed to offer them life, that the world belonged completely to God, they also were not aware that there was a major celestial battle between Good and Evil. On a similar note, what are the idols that we have in our lives…? The nature of life has certainly changed from thos early days, the modern world with all its sophistication and peculiarity has opened the doors of sin at a much larger and more massive scale. No longer do we worship brick, wood and stone alone, the heart and the mind have new conquerors, new lovers who thirll and scintillate our interest and our imaginations, the Gods of the New Age trick us into believing that we are the Holy ones, that we are all Gods underneath, that we need to embrace our own uniqueness and engage in all our fleshly desires in order to know thyself. Satan’s doctrines have tricked millions into believing that we are perfect just the way we are. One needs only to observe and see the endless blunders of the world, bloody wars, unresolved conflicts that have ravaged humanity through the centuries to see how dubious and unrealistic that claim really is. Humanity will always be incomplete and dissatisfied, unless and until they acknowledge and open their hearts to their maker, in order to

I am very aware of my faults, I was born into a christian home, my parents were simple, normal and loving people. They taught me many good things in my life, and I owe a great deal of debt and gratitude to them. But I had backslided many a time in my early days, I accepted Christ into my heart at the age of 14, but it took me 11 years to truly realize God’s love for my life. I lived dual lives, in one life I desired to know God more, and in another I allowed myself to drift in the world and to find my identity in the world. And in those years many a time I was very aware of my faults, I knew when I had done something wrong, I knew when I had hurt someone’s feelings, it was not my childhood’s conditioning that created these emotions and feelings, but rather it was an emptiness, I sought out ways to ease the pain and the guilt, I repressed them and justified most of them, but I always had the feeling that I had wronged God in some unspeakable way… And I do not exaggerate when I say that I could feel the sadness of God as I lost my way in the world before finally coming face to face with God and returning like the prodigal son that I was. I am not going to lie, living the practical aspects of the Faith are hard, but they are the only ways to truth, to character and personal wellbeing, and most importantly to intimacy with God the Father, to the power of the Holy spirit and to our Personal savior Jesus Christ.

I wonder at times if I would be completely okay with heaven, with all the perfection, with all the love, all my life I have run away from love, better adjusted in living with a broken heart, more willing to live in a broken and wicked world than near love, I believe that despite knowing the infinite love that Christ possesses for me, in many ways I have not understood Him completely… And I believe that its ok, for I know that it takes a lifetime in order to truly understand the mysteries of God, and even that wouldn’t be enough I believe… But I know that despite my struggles with accepting myself and the world, God’s love reaches out for me, and He takes me in completely and totally. He knows me inside and out, He knows that I struggle to accept myself, He knows my limits but better yet He knows how much more I can be. He makes me beautiful and feel beautiful , And it is when I love God with all of my heart and all of my mind that I understand and realize how much obedience to Him is necessary and essential. Do I think that I am better than the Israelites…? I know that I am no better, that in many ways I am probably worse than them. But allowing myself to obey the Lord helps me feel closer to Him, and the more I obey Him the more I realize I overcome the obstacles standing in my way, obstacles that I can never overcome through my own will. Obstacles such as bridging the divide between me and the rest of the world, being healed of the many hurts, the wounds, the scars that I have gathered through existence in an evil and hurting and Godless world. So in a way that is my message to you today, that disobedience separates us from the Lord, worshipping false gods removes us further and further away from the true soul mate who can change our life and when it comes to God even the little that we do with good intentions pleases Him immensely. The grand mystery of it all is that we are all the same and equal to God, He does not see us for what we have become but He sees us as we are and is ready and willing to cleanse us of our hurts, faults and justify us with Christ’s blood and make us His and His alone.

Dear friends in God’s love we find a comfort where we can hide and rest when the world wears out our minds and our hearts, God be praised.
To GOD be the Glory.

John 15:7
If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done to you

John 15:10
If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in His love

Your Brother in Christ

Joey