I see the world as it appears to me, I don’t see it through definitions and opinions, but rather I see it in the manner that it presents itself- raw, open, primal, ferocious and defying conventions despite the nature that it is too often consumed with and forced to inhabit.. The small town was loud, boisterous and cranky, it was famous for nothing and carelessly contained most of everything with a few broken roads.. There was an ordinariness to it that felt mundane and dull,a lot of people lived there and they all seemed constantly occupied with the air of something that worked their minds and their bodies, noisy buses rudely cut past you blaring their horns with venomous force, before they faded away like forgotten sirens as they sped into the narrow roads that hosted loud and catankerous vehicles coming in opposite directions as untamed as wild beasts and as perpetual as moving wind kissed waves playing to the hypnotic tunes of gravity, anger seemed to be bubbling beneath the surface and the faces that you saw seemed weary, filled with scorn and contempt. It feels odd to see people without knowing their names, yet there is a familiarity to it thats polarizing and comforting.There was an air of hostility that possessed the lower plains, and one felt irritated by its presence.. Peace seemed distant and afar and probably only descended when dreams played on in a blank wall of pitch dark inside men’s cranial caves.
The car began to move past places bright with the motions and sounds of life, past lingering images of cheer and human relationships that felt like the tune of a song that could only be felt, meanwhile in the car, strife played beneath the surface, unkind words had been exchanged between me and my aunt and tension played its blazing hot tune, as coldness increased between each other… Each one seemed to draw closer to their own pride and their individual nature, intent on finding any bit of emotional leverage possible to get the edge towards feeling better, replaying old grudges against each other in the form of charged dialogues delivered with strength and valor… After a while one wished to separate himself from these spiteful feelings, for he realized that they wished only to make him more bitter and malicious, and seemed to add on to the unending pits of resentment that would engage the heart in continual hostility.. No one was ever right all the time anyway, and one wished more to inhabit the character found in the spirit of Christ and lesser the revolting nature of the self bound to its power struggles and egoistic themes.
I have been filling my mind with emotions that were pursuing certainty, ambition and purpose and had not seen how they clung to me making me feel more and more unsettled and withdrawn, no wonder my mind seemed preoccupied, for the heart had become full and irritable feelings constantly spilled over, … My occasional meditations into prayer had refreshed my spirit, but then my inside chambers became full.. busy without clarity and full with dissatisfied chaos, silence had departed away from me and I had not been aware of it for so long, I had not sought to silence my inner sanctuary… like a full jar I was filled with feelings and thoughts that collided and struggled to issue their authority and catch my attention… I needed to empty them all and fill them instead with the noble dignity found in these secret hills. The hills were far, far away from all the empty meaningless chatter of the neurotic town, the car slowly moved along the ancient paths leading one past simple villages and rustic surroundings. The farmers and field workers stared in curiosity as the car sped past them, they seemed surprised and their eyes followed you even after you had long passed them by…there were small altars constructed to host a fearful appearing deity that appeared to be smeared with pious yellow and saffron paste, it had many arms and its tongue forked out as the lifeless eyes stared at you with closed wicked brows, the children played unaware of the ugly wicked world far far away from their simple home in the hills, the young men meanwhile were intent on sending messages about their uniqueness… Announcing their presence to everyone who intruded into their little world, perhaps they dreamt about marrying rich girls and talking in English to people who had spurned them when they had been young… Perhaps they had taken a ‘few too many’ trips to the noisy town many miles away and had corrupted their impressible souls to the tarnish that abounded in excess in those places…, they acted important and there was something carnal and sinister in their stares that made one feel terribly uneasy, the women folk seemed to express their irritation at being dumped with all the burdens of a domestic life and talked loud and complained, some tended to wailing crying infants perched on the curve of their hips, some sat besides mud stoves cooking away some brew with fine smells, smoke rose up slowly from those burning twigs, creeping and rising into the air like a summoned spirit who guarded and watched over the land, one saw them all and one felt himself as being no different from these creatures wrapped in nature’s picturesque freedom.
Wide open fields greeted you, you drove past them, people worked in them with bent shoulders and busy hands, there was something utterly rich and deep about their presence.. Their touch was irresistible and it seemed to echo with a silence that calmed any thoughts that wished to creep in, and it slowly seemed to permeate one’s being on a spiritual level, the air was rich and the breeze, windy, it appeared to come from the southern part that was obscured by the rise of the hills, one sat beside a tree and stared without wishing to look, one wished to perhaps meditate for a few minutes and allow these rich gifts to truly sink into his soul. The bright sunshine seemed to add a depth of life that felt sacred to every bit of the open grounds. What great joy it gave me to inhabit a place free of human interference.. One felt free and seemed to rise to a level of being that was unmatched in its expression, for a few precious moments, life in all its beauty flowed through the rugged terrain and into my spirit like verses from the Psalms and stanzas of intellect, through the noble trees graciously standing beside, to the powerful hills with all their powerful hymns to man’s deeper instincts, through the wind that wandered in through the distant jungle.. Free and bursting with tender love, life was affirmed and realized here in these forgotten temples of life. One wished to perhaps stay longer… But in this sad play called life such thoughts wander haunted like unfinished lives and unrealized talents, my heart filled itself with unbearable sorrow when I realized that I had to go back and continue living amongst ambition, pride and hate. I realized that perhaps I needed to gulp in all of the magnificent soul food offered before I returned back to the land of the corpses that bled.