Drifting through the Abstract ponds


Growing up Jesus Sensibilities were affected most deeply by the poor, by the powerless, and the oppressed- in short by the underdogs.
– Philip Yancey , from the Jesus I never Knew.

Commoners.. I repeat that word over again.. Commoners. I wonder what it means..?

I can answer my own question in a way; They are people who believe that their culture is the way in which they have to approach life and living. That is one way of looking at them, the other way is the nature of their often times ignorant, blunt and cynical opinions about people who are different from them. They are mostly impatient, you can see them in jobs that require clothing choices that are spectacularly devoid of popular appeal. They are sincere in the most indecent of ways, they seem self contained, rarely are they expressive and most of them are completely immersed in the personality psychology of a particular role.

I find myself reading what I have just written. I don’t know if I have captured the essence of what that word represents. I did not consult a dictionary or the opinion of an academic. I simply searched my own experiences and observations and formulated what I believe is a definition of that term. I tend not to go with the conventional opinion. I wish to analyze it with my own gut and instincts, I like to experience things for myself. Most of what people write seems to be crafted for the sensibilities of the educated, to those who view the world as an information hub, and assume such information’s to contribute to the knowledge that shapes their thoughts and their worldviews.

Although when I read my own definition, I can only capture the essence of their behavioral inclinations. I wonder if they are like me in a way…? I wonder what they think about the world and its people..? I wonder if the idealistic and biblical notion that we all are one can apply in a reality based framework…? There are so many inherent factors in each social civilization that are teaching people to behave in a particular way, so many philosophical mannerisms that people adopt to cope with the affectations of everyday living, then there is the great inner voice that shapes the attitudes of the individual.

Everyday I have to deal with this inward sense of turmoil when I wake up. I wake up at 12 in the afternoon, the day is already filled with the light of the sun, and during midday the sun’s rays turn heavy and begin to heat things up, I wouldn’t compare it to a stove.. not now anyway… It is September, and so far this month has only seen cloudy masses hang over the surface of the upper heavens. There have been rainy spells, scattered showers, consistent gray skies, it is all quite mood lifting actually. But it has stopped many of our Sunday afternoon cricket matches when I am in town, and halted many of my midnight basketball matches when I head over to the city.

My deepest question is that if I should call someone as a commoner..? What differentiates him from me..? Is it based on my lifestyle..? Or is it some arrogant assumption that my academic qualifications have somehow lifted me higher..? Because that contradicts the Biblical command that all men are equal. This question posed itself chiefly since I was probing the nature of social status that my Lord Jesus took when He chose to be incarnated. He chose the most lowliest family, his father was a simple carpenter and his mother was an ordinary housewife. I get so caught up in personalizing details of my life that I miss the bigger picture that God wishes to communicate to me about. He is interested in everyone, and I MEAN every single ONE of us that there is. That includes drug dealers, hate filled bureaucrats, lazy people, terrorists, lesbians, gay men, transgenders, cross dressers, pimps, prostitutes, middle class men, the poor, the homeless, the destitute, drug addicts, serial killers, psychopaths, alcoholic wife beaters and the list goes on and on. I can only marvel in sheer fear, how can God love men who are so evil..? I remind myself that I have been no better than many of the people on this list, but I question God’s love for me as well… This world has conditioned me towards limited, conditional love that I can only question, unreasonable, unconditional love and acceptance.

The problem is that the spiritual realm has been sealed off from our view for some divine reason, and as much as it deeply saddens me and aggravates me, I can do little to peer beyond the world of the senses. My managing director, a shrewd and grounded Christian was recently telling me that it was possible that souls who committed suicide wandered here on earth, they had still not reached the stipulated time, they were to wander and roam restlessly in his opinion. I asked him if he knew how dangerous his position was, since that view would open the doors for contacting such souls. He seemed to not be attentive to the implication that I posed, but I wondered if the way in which he interpreted scripture was true. I hold on to the view that after a man’s life is done, he is escorted into God’s presence and asked to give an account of his life.

The reasoning that there is a great and sinister evil who derives great pleasure in watching people suffer should be a great case for alarm, and this reality includes the victims of child abuse, includes the poverty that is a serious evil that forces its sufferers to the extremities of life, it derives happiness of making souls burn without any respite in Hell, it derives great joy in cleverly afflicting the world with cheap ideologies and philosophies all centered on the self, that make people move away from God and into vague relationships with themselves and with dark forces. I wonder why people are not making videos of these and posting it online..? I wonder why first take of ESPN doesn’t debate these issues..? I hear them psychoanalyzing Lebron’s hairline most of the time, why can’t they employ that dazzling showmanship and arguments for a cause that can actually save lives…? The name of Jesus is so powerful that it can bring someone who was clinically dead for three days, His magnificent name can cast out all demons of hell from a possessed soul, but instead I find it used as fashionable cuss word in Hollywood movies. When will the world know that we truly and deeply need Jesus..?

Satan is viewed by many to be a trickster, a friendly foe who is waging a war with God and humans are just in the way. He is not interested in humans, but if one were to take the Bible seriously, and perhaps even for a short time assess their lives honestly they can find such a deep evil that has permeated our known universe. During the nights I find myself deeply aware of something sinister and cruel that is out there on the streets, roaming and searching for whom they can devour. But the Bible has some clear names for Satan, as the Father of lies, as the first murderer, as the one who messed up Godly views about sexuality, morality, life and faith. There are clearly two directly different histories that are running side by side, humanists and historians gush over the advances of modern civilization, but Biblical history clearly reveals an impending doom that is slowly sneaking up on all humankind. All of man’s greatest inventions will mean little when he faces the Great Judge to whom he cannot lie. All of man’s greatest moments will mean little when faced with the dire question of his eternal fate, what will he do then..?

Sometimes I feel like asking atheists if their philosophies hold ground. The true test of a philosopher is to see if they live out their theories. Atheists derive great happiness in being blind to the probing eternal questions and fill their minds with all sorts of intellectual nonsense that hardly makes any sense whatsoever. I am not venting here, I am just being real and honest. And my question is this … Why don’t people seek God…?

I feel like I am severely underestimating God’s might sometimes. I stay awake late into the night and though portions of Psalms 91 deeply speak to me, especially the first part of verse 5 which goes like this, “Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night” … I find it strange that God’s voice differs through the translations, but I am glad to hear His voice, for I know that the Bible is a person and not a book, and that person is God… but I find myself sinking into a state of fear without an anchor or a burst on to the surface escaping the impending drowning… I am drawn into a bundle of childhood repressions and earthly awareness. My earthly awareness sadly fills me with countless stories of horror that I have absorbed through the years from television, from morbid accounts of murder from the newspapers, from unnecessary movies that have glorified evil instincts in mentally unhealthy men and women, with statistics and realities that have to be accepted. I find myself running towards Prayer, a discipline that I have sadly allowed to decrease in my life. Early on I would kneel down and pray about everything and anything, and I would end up feeling spiritually healthy and robust. But then my old fight with secret sins reappeared and stole me away from first love. My mindless preoccupation with mere information despite making me feel like I am doing something steals away the precious hours that I used to earlier seek the Lord with. I can’t express how much I love the Lord, I know that heartfelt and sincere expression cannot even measure the unconditional and ever present help that the Lord provides, but I find a great joy in reminding myself that I love the Creator of the world more than I love myself, and that despite all the failures of the recent past is a cause to rejoice.

On most nights I get by without fear, I browse for content to study, I go through difficult to digest atheist debates. I play my favorite video game, I watch a few basketball oriented videos to remind myself that I have a baller dormant within me. I analyze the footwork of my favorite players, watch their offensive techniques, and see how they react to defenses.. I immerse my mind with constant information, but none of these compare to truly spending time with the Lord. I have learned that that is where true power resides. The trouble is that power offered by God is rarely physical, it is most often spiritual. Which leads me to question whether all of our human afflictions and turmoils have a spiritual cure…? The world confuses the spiritual with meditation and yoga, the christian man knows in his heart that the spiritual is truly found in a relationship with Jesus Christ. There are so many vast and powerful secrets within the Christian faith and worldview. I can no longer read the Bible without drifting off into a delightful re-imagining of the culture, the mood and the context of history that it first arose in. Being a Christian in my life seems like such a personal torch to bear. There are no camera lenses that follow my journey, it is private and often secluded. I don’t go to church when I am in town, I sleep late on Saturdays… I wake up around 12 on Sundays and eat lunch with my family after enduring my mother’s fierce complaints about my lifestyle habits strategically expressed during my finishing hours of sleep. I wake up feeling guilty and slightly confused, I question my conscience which offers its usual blunt response that I should attend some church. I need a spiritual grounding it seems. I reply back arguing as usual that I can’t fit in, I’ve never fit in.. I remind my conscience that I have just deleted my mainframe egoistic foundations, and that I still have some passionate lifestyle assertions that I seek to follow. My conscience reminds me that I love hearing God’s word, I counter back saying that I can’t deal with constant reminders of Hell in fiery preacher’s sermons, my conscience tells me that that it is true and that I should not react to it but take it and follow the powerful revelations of a loving God. I tell my conscience that I can’t deal with large crowds, most often filled with fundamental or overtly conservative individuals, my conscience reminds me of my own past and reminds me that God loves everyone and that I should do the same. I tell the Lord that I will find a Church soon, I promise Him that.

I sense inwardly that I have been rejecting the local Church for the early years of emotional emptiness that I felt there many many years ago. There were negative incidents at the Church, and I always felt terribly bored by the songs, the worship, and by the sermons as well. They seemed to lack the life that I so desired. In the city I attend a more culturally relevant Church. Filled with air conditioning, with suave light colors and a type of sanctuary that is atypical of modern churches in the US, the worship time is truly a vibrant time to experience the spiritual cleansing that one seeks. But I am still finding my way through these experiences, I am an anomaly in some ways… I enjoy it sometimes, but I am a deep individual who questions everything… I can’t praise God in front of people who seem different from me.. But I love the feeling of being so bold about my faith in God, I feel glad that I don’t have the burden of encountering judgmental spirits that strip me of my courage. As unashamed and unapologetic as I am about my status as a Jesus Freak, I am still a mortal and finite person trapped in a 27 year old’s body. And that 27 year old has for the most part of his life lived two different lives, has battled with thoughts of suicide, has felt the deep scars of being rejected, scorned, emotionally neglected… I know that God releases me from these prisons, but I have my ways that I use to avoid pain at all costs, and I have become shy on account of them. I filter out people after carefully observing them, I am not judging them, but I am going with people who can build me up and not tear me down or wear me out day in and day out with their own issues, chiefly pride and arrogance.

People with pride don’t realize that they are control masters, expertly asserting their control and manipulative tendencies when it is time. Again I have my own history here as well, but I see what the Lord asks of me in this case. It is easy to love those who love you, love those who hate you, pray for those who despise you commands the Lord. And I am fine with that, I am terribly in love with all the tiny and demanding things of faith, I take great joy and passion in doing them… It is myself that I deeply mistrust, I constantly see myself as failing, I wait for me to screw up or lose face… I have become so used to experiencing these things that I can’t see myself without them.

Recently I have begun opening myself up to facing the pain that comes with someone who vehemently denies Christ as God. I earlier used to fear the emotional pain and agitation that came along with it, but now I find that I need to accept the individual for who he is and not worry about the venom of his words. I have a deep heart and it feels pain quite acutely and that is one of the reasons why I tended to avoid people who fought back, I would present the gospel to them once… I would tell them in simple detail the entire message of God and choose wisely to practice my faith in plain view… I wanted to truly follow Christ in my life and help them become drawn to that… It was by no means an exploitation… , I spent a great deal of time investing in these souls.. I asked God for favor in their eyes.. and I saw the fruits of the Lord’s blessing… but their hearts remained as cold, reactive and as defensive as possible. They did not burn with the same hunger that I had.

I have met my share of cold blooded atheists who were great threats to my faith in my early and lost years. I know people who derived great joy in destroying my love for God, they saw me as some primitive tribal man out of touch with reality , and living in a jungle under a rock. The World has changed, why have you not they would mock in intellectual scorn. They lacked emotional compassion and warmth, I allowed these individuals to greatly ridicule the Lord that I used to love in secret. I stare at myself in the mirror in disgust remembering those years of inward torment, I was so confused and I kept expecting the Lord to show up on my doorstep and explain why everything was happening. But He didn’t. I grew tired of shouldering the cross, I went undercover, I explored the outer rituals of Hinduism.. fell in love with a few strongly Hindu women owing to their strong traditional appeal…which led to further emotional turmoil and angst, dabbled with the knowledge of the occult and the paranormal, practiced Zen and Buddhism.. Pored over the philosophies of religious philosophers, and began to ask scathing questions about my faith… yet in my heart of hearts I could not abandon the Nazarene that I had so often called out for. I could not explain this peculiar love for God that swelled within me despite the crushing defeats of my early years. I played the usual blame game, but I found myself drawn to Him beyond the fear of ending up for eternity in Hell, beyond the disciplinary torments that were meted out to me by sincere followers of His, beyond every other reason that I could use as an excuse, I found myself drawn to God, I sought Him most sincerely in other faiths, wondering if it were multiple expression of the same deity.. But lo and behold, all other faiths seemed truly dull and their idealistic sages were cunning swindlers.

My usual routine over the past few months has been that of loading these really heavy books into my bike’s trunk, packing my laptop into my backpack with the charger, throwing a digital camera inside in case I need to take a picture of the skies or of some building that seems to stir some feeling of poetry within me, wake up around 12pm , get ready and eat in about 45 mins, plot a plan to reach the office by 1.30 but failing regularly…, sit on my bed and have a running conversation with the Lord and thank Him for a new day, ask Him for help with my coworkers, ask His help with my own character and personality, ask Him to protect my family members and ask Him to provide for our family… and then I rush off… this routine is done in a haphazard way.. the order of events vary of course, in variations of my moods and philosophical outlooks… except the final event where I drive to my office past the perennially moving main streets and into the inner plain roads that lead into deep and thick housing colonies.

I stare at the clock, just a couple of hours before dawn.. I have work tomorrow, people to teach, issues to resolve, ideas to communicate, souls to reach, stuff to discover, nature that I have to enjoy… I need to sleep and sleep good at that, so for now I will shut my brain and my fingers and revisit my psyche later on. Good night dear friend and fellow journeyman.

For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
Psalms 91:11


Nooooo…. Not again


its me, Again.
I know that I have never been really good at accepting things,
but i’ve got a few things in my heart,
that perhaps need a little confessing and accepting.
This is the hard part, accepting that i’m wrong when it sure as heck don’t feel like it,
I don’t know how being wrong must feel like,
in the movies, I see people cry and break down,
in real life it feels different, it’s almost like you can hide what you feel,
and its not like anybody cares to know about what you did wrong.
I spend so much of my life as a social spectacle, living with others, pretending that we all have it together,
When I clearly don’t,
and its easy to sound real and truthful, sometimes I judge others based on those qualities that you’ve allowed to become a part of my own.
What is true and what is not..?
I am a liar, a cheat, a hypocrite, a fraud and a cheat,
You on the other hand are the embodiment of Truth, Purity, Love, Compassion, Justice and Grace.
How can I become like you Lord..?
You ask me to take joy in Holy things…, I know that you mean it in a deeper way,
you clearly mean that the things of this world decay despite the pleasures they offer,
You mean that they don’t last and they don’t fill the heart with the eternal goodness that you offer.
Father I love listening to sad songs, its like they make a lot more sense to me than the happy ones.
Its like, when i’m listening to them I can be as broken as I want to be and its okay,
that feels like my kind of worship Master,
Lord, how can I ever become as perfect as You…?
Day by day I fail you and I grow more and more heavy because of that,
I know the great many changes that you have brought in my life,
I see the life that you have brought forth from my once dead and hurting soul,
You replaced my meaningless existence with one of continuous love, hope and peace,
And words cannot express the gratitude I have for you in this life Appa,
You’ve given me a measure of peace that billions cluelessly search in vain for.
But i’m unable to consistent and as self controlled as you were Father,
I’ve told you that a great many times, I enjoy certain sinful pleasures Father,
and I know that its dangerous to feel that way, because sin the great deceiver,
throws a man into the eternal fire pits of Hell,
and I do my best to flee from them but I am only human, I want some cheap thrills every now and then,
I make no excuses when I do fail pa,
But each time I lose, its crushing me inwardly Abba Father.
Each time I fail, I am growing further and further from You.
How can I ever be free from the troubles, the trials and the deep pains of this life…?
Yesterday a small kid bluntly rejected my offer to help her and it stung like a blade through my heart,
I wonder how much I have hurt You…? I stare at the stars and wonder about your anger,
about your fierce wrath that I have read about. I dream about Hell, and get bad dreams that reveal a lifetime of burning in the fire pits.
I am scared of You Lord, I really am,
everyday I see people dying, I read about it in the newspapers, hear it on the news,
and I am terrified about my own date with death.
I worry that I will struggle forever with my sin and die in my sins and spend eternity in Hell.
Each time I fail, I can feel the abstract flames of my destiny calling out to me.
I worry for the people of this world that I love, who all must share that fate if they do not accept You.
I wonder why You have to be so strict sometimes,
I get it, I know how Satan has disguised the vile, the rotten, the corrupt and the sick and twisted.
I know that You cannot associate with Sin, but look at the world I live in Father,
I am living in the very presence of sin, both in and around me.
How can I battle over and over and over Father..?
You know how I doubt myself..?
You know that I have never been perfect in my life,
You know all of these things..why did you save me and reveal yourself to me when nothing is going to make any sense in the bigger picture..?
I hate how You have to be invisible, I hate how You reveal Yourself to some selected few and not to the rest of us,
Are we not worthy of You Father..?
Why do You allow the things that are happening in this World Father..?
I really really do seek the answers to these things, I am not using these as excuses to live in my sin,
my attitudes towards sin have changed, but despite all of that I fail because I am weak,
and can be easily crushed, destroyed and manipulated.
After all, I am just a speck in the sand Father.
I get petrified thinking about certain things,
Will my great great sins be read when I do finally face you Lord..?
I don’t doubt You normally Lord, I do find myself getting confused as to whether You really are here,
this guilt is making me speak words that are rather harsh and without the slightest hint of empathy as to How You would feel.
But I know certain things about You Father,
I know that You have great and unimaginable compassion,
I read that you throw away all our sins into the bottom of the sea,
and You choose to not remember them anymore,
I see the effect that You have on me,
I don’t love anything else like I love You,
I can’t stop talking about You, even if I do get bored, or grow tired from expending so much social energy,
I choose any opportunity I can to really talk about You,
You have cured me of my existential restless discontent,
You have filled my heart with warmth and patience for even the most horrid and petulant souls,
I see a deeper kindness and goodness in my heart, that is deeper and more selfless than the one that I used to have.
As much as it pains to hear me say this, I know that you offer me a chance every time I fall,
You are always there to catch me when I fall, to give me companionship when the world becomes loud,
To comfort my heart when I weep, and to tell me that things are okay when I feel like there is no hope,
You have always been there when I have really really needed You.
If I were to calculate an average of five mistakes per day, for the extent of my years, my mistake count has gone past the fifty thousand mark,
but I realize too the great power of Grace, the great love that has kept me safe all these years and protected me when I least deserved it,
I remember the numerous close encounters with death, the numerous second chances, the unconditional acceptance and that Love of yours that is beyond comparison.
I know the questions won’t ever stop nagging me,
and I know too that I can’t ever win the war against my carnality,
I know that I have a monster inside me,
but through all the highs and lows, don’t ever let go Father,
Because all I need is You, because to quote a cliche’,
You’re all I ever need and will ever need.

An Apologist’s Philosophical meandering.


I just finished downloading the entire discography of Savage Garden. They used to be my favorite pop group back when I was doing my eleventh standard, I used to feel like their vocal crescendos took me further than the barbed wire compound, far away from the ordinary reality of a crowded yet isolated schooling experience, and into unknown subways and faraway cities that I imagined, dim and smoky that sparkled with infinite hope… casting a trance as though to lure me into their place in some mystic fashion, past wild jungles and ancient citadels and stony pyramids… Going forth, moving on as though the energy was about to release some deep heroic metaphor that I could use for the tyrannies of my boring life in that place. I used the dying moments of songs to imagine myself being liberated in act of revolt, of rebellion, of a powerful revolution. I fell into this incredible inner feeling that made me escape away from the dulling experience of hostel life, and the deeply disciplinary adults slash Clueless Authority figures who clutched on to the disciplinary principles like they represented the very meaning of life. It is only now with the force and the power of expression that I have the great ability to probe into my own past, and recreate what has happened in my life, and try to find some sort of meaning past the great fragments of meaningless experiences.

One of the greatest comforts that I experience in the use of language is that I get to identify the exact specifics of what I have experienced. I am constantly afflicted with the sense that I don’t have the tools to clearly see what I am feeling with the consciousness of my own being. It is so confusing to me to differentiate life into the life of the soul with its deep thirsts and instincts, or the life of the mind with its machine precision workings, or into the life of the heart with its turbulent feelings and emotions, or the life of the spirit with its deep need to personalize the actual, or the immediate with a powerful union with Christ its core, its heart and its center.

I sometimes wonder how God can tune into the prayers of a billion souls all across the globe. I can romanticize the whole notion of a powerful, omniscient being actively at work in the lives of each and every soul in this deeply, dissociative and confusing and troubling world, and I want to believe in such an active thing. And the truth of the matter is that, it is “truth” that I speak of when I write lines such as those, but hope is such a sensitive thing, it sees more clearly the instances of the absence of God than the millions where God’s actuality was seldom enough. And I see this same spirit at work in the most complex arguments for the case of a Universe without a Creator. The geniuses who argue point to the everyday horrors of existence, to the child traffickings, to the victims of modern day slavery, to the deep evil of wicked regimes, to the tyranny and the unchangeable evil of prostitution. They use the immediate availability of the physical world with its mysterious unyielding workings to pinpoint to the lack of evidence to support the presence of a divine, supernatural being. These arguments even though possessed of a spiteful venom and subtle hatred, are nothing but disguised mockery and purposeful skepticism, ancient tools of the vile serpent who is cleverly fooling the mass of Humanity.

After a long day of interviewing potential candidates for the role of a marketing executive at the prestigious GRT Hotels, I was called to a local hospital with the news that one of my work colleagues had been involved in an accident. My heartbeat rose, I was immediately possessed of this fear driven feeling for which I had no control over. I raced to the spot immediately, I was met by the sight of a shaken young men, unwilling to allow this difficult moment to preside over his inner emotions. A brave fight, yet his arms revealed blood, there was dirt there to denote that he had had a forceful collision with the ground. But praise be to God, he was unharmed otherwise. There was the fight against tears in his eyes, I whispered a heartfelt thank you upwards later on as I drove my bike, perhaps Jesus was right next to me as I underwent these deeply, difficult moments. Me and my buddy Suresh decided to drop off his bike at his home, as our Operations Head Prem gave him a lift on his bike. They both lived in the same compound. Their home was on the other side of the town, after a long drive where I worried incessantly about my mom and sister alone in my home, we dropped off the rebellious teenager unwilling to open up. As we drove back me and my buddy engaged in a light discussion about God, Faith and Divine Protection. As we neared the hospital where Suresh had parked his bike, I saw an ambulance outside surrounded by people. A stretcher was slowly lowered onto a waiting moving gurney. I saw through the staring crowds of relatives and friends,the glimpse of shivering hands wrapped with tight bandages, the great fight for life in the face of non compassionate pain and the absolute certainty of human life’s demise. The Hospital was not a place of solace, but a place which used pain to combat pain, there was nothing nourishing and therapeutic about a place such as a hospital. I felt a great struggle arise in my heart, but I drove away. My thoughts switched to the own state of my home, there was the threat of murderous thieves, the protection of my own family, the wellbeing and health of my own family. But I had a great cushion, the most greatest backup. THE LION OF JUDAH. For a moment I wished to question the Lord and ask Him why people had to suffer so much…? Only moments I had experienced the subtle compassion bestowed upon my fellow co-worker, and in the next moment I saw the uncertain fate of another individual badly wounded and hurt, holding on for dear life with all sorts of needles inserted all over just to keep him conscious and steady. I saw the two faces of the Lord, the great compassion and love that He hands out to those of us who are in some way greatly attracted and drawn to Him in our lives, and the firm arm of justice and firmness to another soul who does not know my Lord, and my Savior. And I grew more and more terrified and restless. But I took it all in and moved on.

We all know how the world is like, despite the occasional cheery noise, despite the momentary unity, despite the occasional compassion, the immense vastness of the world is a cold, dark, chilling and indifferent place, we cleverly repress this by forming bonds that desensitize us to the abounding powers of meaninglessness and hopelessness. And that is so because of the attitudes of the godless culture that mankind has created by his own intentions and motives. People care solely for themselves and are willing to allow people to die, starve and get treated to all sorts of insanity right in front of their eyes as long as they are unharmed and possess a chance to somehow live for another day in this grand circus called life. And that is what the newspapers report day in and day out. People walk past half dying men involved in some frustrating accident, they are disturbed by the tragedy but are eager to avoid any sort of urge to react or take action. I myself have been guilty of such feelings in the past and I have long struggled with the event that would persist in the memories of my heart, but I would gradually repress it or move away from it and find positive and life affirming emotions to partake in. The burdens of the world are too great for me to handle, I can barely bear the burdens of my own life, I can do nothing but remain as a helpless spectator as people make their own choices to separate themselves from the only place that can offer hope and comfort: God.

I wonder what Jesus Christ would do if He were in our society..? What would He do..? Would He visit the hospitals..? The great poverty inherent in our slums, or the excess of the wealthy and the rich, or the deep confusions and agitations of our youth. Whom would He whip..? Whom would He befriend..? Would He heal the girl on whose face acid was poured onto..? Would He give life to the homeless dog run over by the truck..? Would He open the eyes of the stuttering young man whose heart is locked by a complex of inferiority..? Would He put His arms around me..? Would He come and eat with my Family..? Why did He permit the death of the missionary in a flood in Orissa who has toiled for Him for the past ten years..? Why is He allowing religious fanatics to butcher Christians in Iraq..?

Why , oh why Lord have you deserted us in this dangerous place..? Why can’t we be where you are..? Why is Holiness so costly and difficult to achieve..? Do Angels truly take care of my home as we slumber in complete vulnerability in our makeshift fortresses…? Why does the Lord answer our call for the fixing of our debts for many many years..? Why doesn’t God not talk to us like I talk to my friend Abhi..? Why can’t the Lord not put His arms around me as I am facing the great turmoils of my own life..? Why can’t I see Him as my spirit starves and cries out to Him..?

We are taught to be fearful, paranoid, and selfish. And while there are parts of us that have been crafted for a life without friction with our fellow human beings, the other half is filled with animal type instincts. And yet we pretend to be morally pure, whilst our heart is filled with the rot of deeply disturbing impulses and desires. There are two different realities, the reality of the personal self, and the nature of how that is expressed outwardly and that is the life that a man experiences in societies. What is true in our personal life is not cared for in the public stage. And what is important in Public life is rarely of value in our personal lives. Our personal lives are full of symptoms of our deeply confused minds that wreak havoc any chance they get, they are full of perplexing questions, and bizarre fantasies that are morbid, unclean and impure. The deeper principles as in real life sustain and progress past the mud, the dirt and the mundane.

Maybe as a human being we have a deep craving for more, every time new evidence turns up in the favor of God, a whole new branch of arguments arrive that resist any belief in such a thing. We have created a subconscious culture that resists and creates a great many defenses against the only truth that can offer the power of redemption and hope to all mankind, and yet we almost play with the notion of a God at work in heart of the Universe and in our everyday lives as though we had a choice. This collective opinion in some way paves the way for more deadly and deeper evils to firmly enter our world, and belong and thrive in our midst, when the heart of Christ is set on abolishing such deeply rooted evils.

I sometimes draw parallels from the workings of human beings into understanding the way in which God and me play out this relationship. I can’t help it, I see God in every tiny bit of my life, I feel like me and Him are playing a game of Hide and Seek, and I have to seek Him in the otherwise ordinary aspects of my life. It is so difficult to understand or even think about a spiritual being, whose might is infinite, whose creative power can never be measured, and whose love is as high as the skies are from the earth. Putting one’s mind into such unlimiting figures seldom allow them to be experienced personally. A man’s heart’s works in memories, the stinginess of a sour man is compensated by the warmth of a random stranger. What he lost in one scene is regained in the other, but such games cost a little every single time. The greatest tragedy is that we are being afflicted with things that only sever two things, our faith and our hope. For these are the two eyes by which a man can ultimately see God, and yet these are the two things that are always under attack.

THE GREAT AND UNSEEN EVIL – Examine at your own risk !!


I was watching a video recently on Youtube and I was intrigued by some of the responses in the comment section. The video was a compilation of Hollywood depictions of the devil over the years, it featured the likes of acting stalwarts De Niro, Jeff Goldblum and even the sensual miss Liz Hurley in the role of the Devil. Apart from the usual creepy versions, most of them were comedic and deeply philosophical of the prince of the powers of the air, most of the actors portrayed the deeply sadistic prince of evil, as an affable character more easily accessible than God. I sighed, earlier such caricatures would’ve highly entertained me, but I tend to be overtly strict these days about issues pertaining to truth. Since truth leads to the greater good and to God, I am terribly suspicious of anything that is evil that is paraded of as entertainment. I wondered if the world would be entertained if they realized that the devil was responsible for some of the most evil intents in men’s hearts and minds. I wonder if they would laugh if they realized that the brutality of the Nazi holocaust were works of Satan, or the recent attacks by ISIS against Iraqi christians, beheading them for choosing Christ, or the malicious slander that their closest friend committed on them was another masterpiece of his. There is a great evil in seeing Satan as the cause of everything, he is not, but it is wise to see him at work in so many of our disappointments and failures. While Satan only exploits the willingness of men and women, he has a cunning plan to make people worship him and choose a lifestyle that declares him as the god and make people abandon the great mercy and Lordship of the Redeemer of the Human Race, my personal Savior – Jesus Christ. And people willingly choose paths that lead them away from the truth and authenticity of the gospel and into paths that give them instantaneous benefits and slowly eat away their soul, and doom the without their knowledge to an eternity of fire and brimstone, which is the judgment for those who willingly deny God.

I decided to check out some of the comments downstairs. There was the usual innocuous debate fiercely being waged over who the world assumed Satan was, and there were the humongous opinions of people of different faiths easily affected enough to respond, and by people who made up their own minds about such topics. I was as usual sucked into their forceful analysis, and there was the usual fear that took over me that cruelly whispered about how I was wrong about my faith, my beliefs and my understanding of truth. But the foundation that is built on the Rock that is Jesus Christ can stand any venomous and devastating attacks. It took me a while for my faith to kick in. I read the highly detailed opinions of some foolish young men who paraded as scholars and experts, it was quite clear that they were educated by videos, by popular talk show hosts, by dialogues from certain people, and not by the written word of God. People of different faiths eager to not be left out jumped in, and argued rather easily and without a context that Satan was the creation of certain cultures and could not be real. Had psychology not put to rest the notion that demons, Satan and fallen angels were in fact the products of hormone imbalance, being referred to as hallucinations..? Delusions..? Strong cases for mental problems..? Satan has cunningly inserted the thought that he is not real, since that would not make people question the consequences of their actions, or view the warnings of Hell as something that has to be carefully researched and studied. I wondered if these people ever allowed themselves to be objective, if they ever questioned their own thoughts and their opinions and not presume that what they thought,as the ABSOLUTE AND UNSHAKEABLE TRUTH.

The World does not see the great threat that it arrives at when they have the so called enlightening luxury of making up their own minds on topics pertaining to Moral authority. You see morality was defined by God, and therefore bears His righteous and powerful seal. Man cannot extend beyond the boundaries drawn by a Holy God without reaping the consequences of their actions or thoughts. The Bible is the ultimate and supreme law giver unto all mankind, much of the world’s constitutions were shaped by some of the laws given in the Bible either directly or indirectly. Even if we have pushed God out of the picture, He moves in our societies , our highest virtues reflect His flawless character, our greatest talents reflect His amazing creative abilities, our world is but a canvas of His wondrous strokes of unparalleled genius. Have you ever stared at the stars and felt the deep emotion that they convey..? Have you ever felt the peace that trees seem to convey..? Everywhere there is untouched purity in Nature, but our world in its fallen state is full of unspeakable agony and despair. Why do people not accept the fact that they cannot live a life without God…?

I live in a small town, and I see it everyday. I see what appears to be normal on the outside, the thin veneer of respectability, of esteem and of traditions, and beneath it is the uneasy sense that life is heading nowhere fast, and that you had to pollute it with something, with the loud nonsense of unbearable television serials, with the magical rubbish of gossip and slander or just take away the bike and drive past the ever growing buildings, old with human presence and full of the nothingness of a life without God. Our societies and civilizations no matter how attractive on the surface all bear the same scars of being empty in the centre. There is no God in men’s lives. I see the dusty roads, the grime upon sad houses spread upon them by rushing town buses honking their horns before they departed with the fading whistles, places of dwelling arranged by the providence of money earned hard through relentless labor, clustered together without soul and without life. The artist in me craves for sights that inspire.. for woods, for trees, for forests and rivers and oceans.. but there is only the street past long empty grounds, past the flat roads that glide past simple huts,past snaking bushes of thorns, and sleeping dogs. The dreamer in me longs for scenes from favorite movies to become real in my life, the soul in my heart longs for life, for meaning and for streets and places with content, vibrant culture and just plain ole’ happiness. But there is none, all I see are burdened souls, wearied hearts, hardened faces and lost men familiar in some fading fashion but all without the slightest concern for their eternal fate and their fellow men.

The World is of the thought that Satan is just an imaginary being, a mythological entity dreamt up by some ancient bard or writer, a creature that is laughable at. I remember debates with men who were convinced that there cannot be a God, and that we are all there is. Satan would be so proud of such foolish men, I can’t blame them since I was too once among them. People walk right into lives that are shaped by his cunning and craftiness. The Bible calls him the Father of lies, The Angel of deception, the first murderer, as the god of this world, as the accuser of brethren, as the Dragon, as the ancient serpent, as the Apollyon, as the chief of demons, as the enemy, as the false light and as the great seducer of humanity. The Bible is clear about what it thinks of Satan, he is the enemy of all mankind, and he is out there in the world ready to somehow make people not believe in God. Satan is willing to go to any lengths to deceive men into believing that a life without God can be lived, dear brethren I urge you all to read the New Testament at least once in your life before you make up your minds about God. The Bible is the word of God. It contains everything that you would ever need to know about God, and you can choose to place your trust on that word after a careful testing of it, God loves those who test Him, the only error that most men commit is that they blame God for failing to intervene directly in a grand supernatural spectacle, I myself have been guilty of such things in the past. I wanted my faith to be based on outward things and not on things that require our choices, our efforts and our willingness to accept what God has said in His word.

I sense so many things in youtube debates these days, truth or the open pursuit of it is rarely the case. Young men who for some manner feel empowered by the lack of fundamentalism in a particular culture, feel free to imagine a world as presented to them by scientific ideas, by so called reasons and needs for facts which they believe are beyond question that are actually derived from the natural world. People who reject Christ do so because they believe that there are other answers, other paths and other beliefs that will hold the truth that life can be lived by. Noted atheists such as Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins who publicly boast about their lack of emotion towards religious sentiments, often use emotion of their own when describing their facts in a clinical manner often inserting God as the cause, painting Him as a useless divine being who is not concerned with the immediacy and the desperation of human plight every single day. Dawkins refers to God as the great delusion and claims to not know which one is which, Sam Harris cannot understand how God can ever exist and he cites the examples of the reasoning of how someone who does not accept Christ can allow billions of souls to burn for all eternity without intervening in Hell. And Satan has been the grand master who is at work under such great movements, as knowledge increases in today’s world, people feel free to think beyond the confines of religious orthodoxy. We need only observe the effects of such types of thinking in today’s world, we see families destroyed not being held down by moral accountability, most african american family households contain underage single mothers, the natural fathers often abandoning the young woman and escaping away not wishing to bear the burdens of being tethered to familial responsibilities, young men are raping girls without realizing that they are committing a terrible and grave act, millions are dying in pain, screaming for help and rarely ever finding it, every single day millions leave this world never to live again. But the facts have become so plain that they have destroyed our sensitivity and corrupted our hearts into believing that we don’t have hope, or a reason to hope against all hopelessness and the weight of enormous existential anguish. We tolerate evil and have become desensitivized to it, we don’t fight it we feed our minds with it more, no wonder we fail to discern where the line needs to be drawn.

Without God nothing makes sense, all our good deeds are only remembered not celebrated in a celestial city, the terrible crimes pass away with stupid human justice that rarely ever gives back what the evil stole, the countless number of souls sleeping on dirty pavements fade away into the dark night never ever being remembered or being cared for, without God all the dogs being run over by overspeeding lorries are not grieved for, without God all the sick patients who die don’t have Jesus advocating for their wellbeing, without God we are stuck up in this foul planet with our stupid games, behavioral problems and evil. Without God we are destroyed and highly threatened, without God the timid man is continually exploited, the tender hearted walked on, the innocent corrupted. Without God life makes no sense..!

God’s name is under attack by scientific propagandists in this day, a world where science rules supreme as a god is envisioned already in our sci fi movies, they fail to see that God does not need to be brought down to reasoning, that it is we who should seek Him, the great scandal of Grace is that it is Christ who openly seeks sinners all over the world and it is only a few who respond to His loving call, are you one among them…? Because there is a great battle going on for your soul, this is not the inclusive agenda of one religious group, but an open call from God Himself unto all men. Answer Him today, you won’t ever regret it, things only become clearer to the man who embraces Christ.

In concluding all the great knowledge of mankind does nothing to discredit the great deceiver of all mankind. Satan has veiled himself so secretively into all the workings of our culture, that we cannot discern him without God’s help, and for that we need to root our spirit in God, in HIS word and have a relationship with Him everyday.