A break from the madness – Poem

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I am rather forgetful these days,
all my ideas seem to dissolve,
in a mental chemical daze.

I worry sometimes that I feel too much.
How can a man such as myself live in a world that does not care…?
How can I absorb in regularity that which I seek to escape..?
Truth is that it is not reality that is harsh,
it is evil.
The evil that we inherited into our souls, our hearts and our minds
The evil that we sugarcoat, dismiss, adjust to and often times disguise.
It is this nefarious presence that eats away at our gullible human nature.
I accept everything based on how it makes me feel.
I wonder if that is the problem,
I hate tried to switch it all off.
I wish feelings were a button,
but they are a soup and a storm,
seeping in through the valves and the pores.
I have an old soul,
I seem to understand things that I can’t explain.
Sometimes certain places exert their character upon me,
and I wander foolishly pretending that nothing ever changed,
but inwardly I can’t understand this sudden exertion,
This heart of mine is more occupied with outer suggestions.
I love it when something that I imbibe and learn truly releases me.
It is as though I was in a deep oblivion,
existing for many years in a senseless blindness,
never realizing something so simple, yet so mind altering.
Perhaps it is the ‘value’ and ‘meaning’ contained within them that touches me.
I enjoy intimacy with such truths and wisdom,
they treat me well… Certain truths strike me and rebuke me,
I find then that my heart intuitively hardens and disconnects.
The truth then becomes relentless,
plowing and hammering away at my defenses.
I must confess that it is this pain that stops my progress.

I wonder if what people write about and talk are real..!
So often I can’t see it anywhere.
I hate it when people write me off based on certain labels and beliefs.
My heart does not think in the way that you want me to.
I often see that it is people and their reactions that are inflammatory,
their emotions that are high and strained,
the events themselves are as aloof and detached as the collective conscience,

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Miracle – A short Poem

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Tears fall down,
All is lost,
the plight alone is alive,
anguish, angst, hurt, pain.

I heave myself to pray,
to talk to God as though He won’t feel my pain,
I hate feeling judged, insecure and raw,
I am not good when I am vulnerable, I hide what hurts.

But lo, in the act of Prayer,
I am held secure,
invisible arms enclose around me,
my pain is gone,
my burdens are light,
I feel loved, embraced and accepted.

The days go by,
reality with its cause-less nature enters me,
my life with its constant call for war confuses me,
I am seduced by what is wrong for me,
I grow near to the life that I can build on such fantasies, but find myself growing far from God.

Meanwhile my heartfelt prayer has pierced the skies,
God is omnipotent, omniscient, Powerful, A Divine Monarch, A Compassionate King,
My call and cry for mercy has entered the throne,
The Angels assemble and stand still,
The Lord hears humanity’s cries,
He assesses the heart of all men.
The hearts of men are laid bare to Him,
no one can lie or fool Him.

In that place Men are stripped of their clever and cunning defenses,
Men are removed of their scruples and are seen for who they are.
Their choices and the nature of their heart.
God hears my cry and assigns an Angel to deliver a reply.
He ponders my heart, He knows me, He loves me.
He cares for me because I don’t care for my own life,
He gives me another precious chance.

The Angel departs from that blessed place on high,
he enters the lowly plains.
Men’s misery is stagnant , evil strongholds unseen by mere men and their follies that are presumed to be intelligence.
Spirits of evil lurk about, unwilling to allow truth and God’s help enter without fierce and a bloody fight.
Why can’t men acknowledge that they need God…? He sighs
How desperate was His Holy and Powerful Master to help these unfaithful ones that He so loved…?
If only they knew… he sighed, if only they knew…!

The Angel neared my house,
he sees my life. He must inform his troops that I needed a lot more help.
But he sighed, I should lean more on God , I was not doing that quite often.
The pains of losing touch were way too high and fatal.
He sees God’s touch and he sees the opposing force,
desperate to crush that little glimpse of absolute truth.
He remedies the wrong, and my eyes come out of my skull.
My skull is filled with notions, impressions, thoughts, unnecessary wishes and means of absorbing information,
objectively caught up in a life where I am forced to live and feed myself.
I see a divine touch and despite the gigantic mountains of doubt, hopelessness and painful misery,
my heart is comforted, and deeply moved.
I kneel down in prayer and my heart freed of its mental and human dilemmas rises up and communes with the great Spirit behind the Universe.

How considerate of Him to remember my desperate plea, I think in a deep gratefulness.
a demon, meanwhile alerted, rises up and scoffs in his own voice,
‘ But what about the time that your dog died..? Remember how he had to suffer…?’
I should not think about such things, that is not faith, I talked to myself.
But my heart felt pain… My dog died a terrible death.. Why didn’t the Lord hear her pain…?
But still the beauty of an answered prayer embraced me, God be praised.. I whispered to the Universe.
Another demon arose, ‘Remember… Have you gotten rid of that filthy habit of yours…? ‘
I haven’t… I said to myself, deeply defeated and dejected, I was ruled by that habit.
How can I thank God for this… I was unworthy… He should find someone better than me for such gifts.

But still the answered prayer lingered on like a solid flame,
warming the heart and the spirit,
the spirit meanwhile searched the scriptures,
and offered confirmations that all men were sinful and that God loved them despite it all.

But I looked at my life ,
How vast and unfortunate it all seemed.
How could I survive…?
What if by one mistake I ended up in Hell…?
A place of eternal torment …? Burned by flames that never died…?
But hope whispered, your life is not done yet.., look at those whose life has gone,
God still wants you with Him, look unto Him,
forget everything else.

But how can I forget I wonder,
again sneaking back into my own heart,
a force that I have never controlled or commanded.
I was cutting off my ties with Godly means, and sinking into a state of inexplicable misery.

The Miracle was behind me now,
assigned to a place of crushed dreams, hurtful memories and unanswered doubts,
and these defeated and cruel forces they worked on my Miracle,
Subjecting it to the venom that is apathy and indifference.
The Miracle was being sapped of its power to heal,
and instead being broken to suit my own means of thinking.
God had His wisdom for allowing things to happen, I suddenly reminded myself.
I had to trust His will… Not everything is good. I reminded myself.
Slowly the schizophrenic nature of reality entered in,
dissociating everything with confusion.
The insensitivity that I gained from sin entered in, creating a daze, numbing my spirit.
Cruelly separating it from the life that the spirit renewed by God could offer.
The harsh discipline that I inflicted on myself in order to not hope entered in and trampled my own mind’s wishes and made it a stale subject.
Look out of your window, look at the lifeless buildings,
look the roads… where men drive without any reason,
or read the newspapers… that are rampant with unnecessary information… How can hope overcome them all..?
How…?

But the Miracle had in its core,
the Power of God.
Answered prayer can defeat all foes,
and so it suddenly exploded and broke through my own laws and the laws of the world.
And I knelt down, with tears and a renewed heart.
You were right Lord, YOU WERE RIGHT..!
Help me Trust you.. Help me Trust you Please..!

I search for stuff – A short Poem

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I search and search instagram and facebook for quotes that I have never seen
All I keep seeing again and again, are the same quotes,
rehashed, re-shared, or discovered by someone who is slow on the life philosophy curve,
I wonder if I am stuck in a place where people’s thoughts just run on a constant loop…?
Have they gone blind…? Can’t they see how hard it is to think over someone else’s thoughts…?
Don’t they wish to find new plains…? New pastures…? New celestial spaces where the souls of stars can stir inflammable flames…?
It is with the eyes that we see…, and with the heart that we feel about how we see them ,
Where doth the spirit reside…? And is the soul the flesh …?

We all teach others the words that we can’t speak,
We teach others to love by reminding them with messages and proclamations,
that convey what God wishes to speak,
perhaps by messages that are deemed secular, or by messages that are scriptural,
nevertheless He speaks, and if one listens,
He can find the great heart of the Universe weeping at lost humanity’s fate,
Perhaps that is why I am serious about who I am and what I do,
For I wish to point the way to Him.

Why I love Poets and Writers – A short Poem

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I love Poets and writers,
for they deal with the same condition that I do.
There is always something unfinished, always something left unsaid,
always an inner condition that chooses to remain unconscious,
and always this nagging feeling that they can do so much more better than their last poem or story.

On most days it feels like there is no anaesthesia for this madness that is reality,
and the only way we can breathe and be normal is by being poets and writers,
or by creating art, or connecting to what treasures our abilities to see and perceive,
but people usually trap and hold us down by a false image of perfection which we can never reach.
Art comes from broken places, art is a redemptive force for sensitive hearts, timid souls and tender minds.
Art is shy but fierce,
Art is pure but without filter,
Art is taken for granted, but awakens what the dormant mind has slumbered into.
Art needs to endure what is real, for only art teaches us to discipline our minds and hearts to the harsh blows of force.

Why do I pray..? – A poem

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Prayer for most of you is a habit, a ritual, a practice for you to feel better.
A last minute after thought that
For me it is therapy, oxygen… Life and sanity.
The Universe, this earth, my country, my state, my street,
I fail to understand it all,
there are way too many dots, too many out of place puzzle pieces,
What one is left with is an enormous mess, a chaos that one has grown used to,
and a murky insensitivity that the heart reacts when its anchor has untethered.

For me it is finding my place of calm,
Exchanging my place of finite instability for God’s infinite stability and power,
Prayer is where I can let go of things that I did not even know I was holding on to,
Most people in life boast about themselves, I do myself,
They say I can’t hold on to anger, I can easily forgive, I don’t keep grudges,
but me on the other hand, I don’t trust myself that easily,
or give away false promises, I know who I am.
I know how evil, sinful and wretched that I can be,
I ask God to give me strength to deal with these glaring errors that occur by nature.
Human nature is limited, and I have known it since forever,
I only want God’s help and strength, I fear my own…
For it leads to pride, unnecessary egoic dictations, power
that only contribute to a false sense of security.

I pray because I need it,
This world is hard for a dreamer and a rebel such as me,
it is my confusion and pain that exerts its wisdom,
it is my hurt and heart that know life’s powers,
I need a strength greater than my own to cope with this madness.
I need God’s friendship often,
because I fail often… I do things that I have promised Him I wouldn’t,
I do things that I despise,
I hurt easily and break without anyone’s knowledge.
I pray because God offers His love freely,
I pray because without God my life has no heart, no love and no good.
I pray because without GOD I am nothing and will become nothing.

Indignance – A short vent

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How convenient for actors to play out the dramas that we wish were made of our lives,
How dare we take Televison serials as a measuring stick for our lives…?
How can we use acting to help us cope with this warped, insensible, indifferent snake that is life…?