Friends., Hell is real. Friends let me repeat to you again, Hell is real. Let me reiterate another saving truth, ONLY JESUS SAVES.., ONLY JESUS SAVES.. Let me tell you how I learned of this truth in my life. My life is quite a big canvas, I must draw you to my life four years before I met Christ on my knees just before I was about to jump off of the fourth floor.
I was the son of hardworking parents. I always felt awe as I saw my parents work, earn respect and help many a lost soul. My love for them was based on how they were good to other people, I grew up with a compassion for people, and an attitude of wishing to help many a soul in this hard world. Our first home was a place of many fond memories for me. It was sandwiched between houses on both sides, but we had a idyllic garden behind our home, and spacious inner rooms filled with all kinds of electronic products and books that had been forgotten. But to a hyperactive kid, passionate and wired to play non stop, they were hidden worlds that needed exploration.., I spent most of my time exploring these neglected objects, investigating them and feeling a thrill course through my heart as I spent hours lost to my own company. I was a shy kid, a loneliness desiring kid.., as much as I enjoyed people.., In my alone time., I would dream, draw trees, stare for hours at the stars as my parents softly snored away, and enjoy the melancholy of my own heart and soul. I was a deep kid, I could sense things, objects, memories and spirits in places, people and objects that most people can never see, feel or know of. I have had many puzzling experiences from my youngest years, where I could sense disturbances so clearly in a place where everything felt fine. But I long more to talk to you about my lifelong fear of Hell, and my experience with the Lord regarding Hell.
Hell was ingrained to me by my parents from a young age. They never used it as a fear tactic, they never scared me with it or attempted to discipline me with it, but they talked to me about it and warned me that life without Jesus ensured Hell. For most of my life I viewed it as a normal experience, this healthy inner fear helped me obey God and always helped me to come back to Him as I drifted away as often as it happens in this life.
Possessed with a natural curiosity, I always drifted far from the righteous knowledge fed to me from a young age. In my early years, I sensed that my consciousness would prohibit a strong commitment to the Lord. I was young, tender hearted, shy and insecure who always felt a strong sense of being out of place in a world that never accepted, loved or wanted me. Apart from my parents, family and a few rare individuals.., I could sense deeply that I was not wanted by anybody.., I was never the most good looking, I was the weakest student academically, I hardly knew how to talk.., I was nervous, shy, afraid and confused by all that was happening around me… No girls openly enjoyed my company, my teachers were always focusing on my inabilities and punished me severely..often. At home, I felt sad as I watched my parents struggle against mighty waves and provide, I saw them sacrifice their health, their wellbeing and their peace in order for us to have a good life.., I felt burdened and responsible for their sufferings, for many many years, I walked around with an acute sense of sorrow, since I was not exactly a great investment. I was never good at anything, and the things that I loved, I was unable to be the best.., I only knew discouragement, failure, pain and sadness in those early years. But I always hid these in my heart, I had been mocked and teased for being physically weak and bullied, I wanted to project a tough image to others, I bore these and buried these within me, nobody would ever know what hurt me, or made me feel down.., I would find a way to overcome them. That was my mentality back then. I am talking about stuff that I felt 14 years ago.
I loved the Lord the first time that I met Him, I met Him first when I was 13 years old, I gave my life to Him immediately. A local evangelist by the name of R. Stanley told me that I had to become born again in order to know Jesus as Lord. I was puzzled by the language used since I did not exactly understand what it meant, but I sensed intuitively that it ensured that Jesus had a place in my heart, I emphatically nodded my head even though I was disturbed deeply by behaviors exhibited by christians at the local church. I never enjoyed feeling ignored, neglected and punished.., most of the so called christians that I knew only exhibited such traits.., many of them were crude, unforgiving, unkind people.. as much as it pleased me to offer my life to Jesus.., I worried if I would be able to live it out. Like always, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to. The heart always plans a deviation from serious responsibilities, and my heart likewise did the same. At the time that I gave my life to Christ, nothing spectacular happened.., but I felt a sense of strength in my love for Him..shortly afterwards the course of my life would change forever, I failed my eighth standard. In short I had to repeat it all over again, this reality would become my life for the next few years as I would repeatedly be warned, punished and verbally abused for never measuring up to the standard that everyone else was in. I was returning from a swimming class when I got the message that I had failed, It was not exactly a surprise, since studies bored me.., it felt too dull, uninspiring and dead. But still the realization that I would be demoted to a lesser class and study alongside younger people felt embarrassing to me. It would be humiliating, shameful and hurtful, I would be teased, insulted and shamed in public by certain bullies and I already had enough trouble making friends and becoming known.
I was already at the bottom of the food chain, this would publicly shame me in a way that would scar me for the rest of my life or so I thought. Like many other times in my life I wanted to run away, escape and be forgotten by all the people who had known my life thus far. I wanted another chance. And once again thoughts of Hellfire, Of demonic beings and God’s wrath percolated my inner being, scaring me deeply, warning me and once again leaving me after the message was conveyed
Boarding school was the new beginning. What began with nervous expectation quickly soured into yet another forgettable experience. What I received as abuse mentally in my former school, became physical in the next experience. Punishments, Late-comings, Failures, Extra classes, Harsh punishments again from the wardens, the teachers, etc was my life at boarding school. Obviously there were memorable friendships, innocent infatuations, cool experiences that refreshed my spirit, but my actions, my presence and the response that the law makers of that place had towards me shaped my reality and stay there, although things got better once I reached 12th grade.. Still life was hard, you had to clean your cot, your box, look after yourself, wash your clothes and wake up early morning at 5 for four solid years wihout excuse… I made it harder since I began to resist the whole experience, and became an outlaw of sorts who began to do things my way because after a while I discovered that some of the teachers enjoyed punishing me and disciplining me. As strong as I felt to rebel against the strict law keepers of my boarding school, I began to think of deeper things. My reality made me search for a deeper meaning and a deeper purpose quickly, at age 16 I was already wrestling with what mattered most in life, and with what was the meaning of life. I was a natural philosopher who spent long hours contemplating what I saw, what I felt and what I dreamt for. I chose for my company the fine trees, loneliness and books. My grades dropped, but my self awareness grew, my punishments grew but my inner courage and resilience grew deeper. My rebelliousness created a shift in my thoughts and attitude, for the first time in my life possessed of a natural instinct from within me I began to care less about what other people thought of me, and began to worry more about what I wanted. But still in the midst of such growing pains I would get reminders of Hell, of Jesus and of Judgment day. I would pause, feel warned and then change my ways.., but once again natural obstacles would discourage me and find a way to beat me until I submitted to a worldly form of thought.
I survived four years, passed through three colleges, learned more, suffered more, felt more, experienced more.., became a young adult with a freedom of will, choice and action. I began to choose wrongly. I began to discard the religion of my youth for worldly experiences. I studied philosophy, freely debated atheistic minds, listened to God haters, God mockers.., opened my experience to include others and their religious beliefs.., but still Hell and its existence would frighten me.., I began to use Hell as an anchor of sorts once again, for I wished to drift, feel more, experience more and know more.., the thirst for knowledge gripped me.., I wanted to know how to be a man, I wanted to know how to come to terms with my masculinity, I wanted to know how to reach into the potential within myself.. I was preoccupied with understanding of the self that lay within me. I was also intrigued by answers provided by science, atheism, philosophy, psychology, spirituality, mysticism and other reason oriented fields. I studied them in great detail.., I encountered opinions, judgments and accusations that began to break the roots of my faith. I felt stricken, because I loved Jesus.., true I hated the pettiness of His children, but I could not find it in my heart to hate Jesus. I chose to hide Him in my heart, and also follow whatever I wished to seek, discover and understand. I destroyed all fear of Hell with reason derived from atheism and science. In my eyes, I was doing this for good, because I was finally coming out of a stronghold of fear imposed by religion, by orthodox, formal and repressed religious people and moving into the endless potential of the human heart.
I chose writing as the field that I wished to excel in. This came from my love for books, imagination, memories, from my love for people and understanding them, and from my love for places and attempting to depict them. But fast forward a few months, and I was making all kinds of wrong choices left and right. Stripped of the choking moral framework of Christianity, and experiencing a framework constructed of my own knowledge, I chose indulgence, desires, impulses and a total satisfaction of basic human needs. I found myself experiencing higher highs, but the lows were so deadly and dangerous that they would’ve killed me if I hadn’t been serious. But I was firmly in control of my life, I argued against all wise counsel and chose my own ways, and I was proud about it. But I found myself in places that did not protect me, I was exposed to the deadly consequences of certain sins and I had no support. I found myself drifting further and further. I began to deeply study other religions for signs of absolutes. I was desperate for answers, I searched for a truth that would convict me and provide answers for all doubts that I had encountered over twenty three years of living, I also wanted to know who God was.., in short.., I wanted to feel Him and not know about Him.., I wanted to test Him to such an extent that I would come away either struck by lightning or bump my head on his Holy Awesomeness. But once again, I found myself drifting.., I started visiting Hindu temples.., I started visiting ashrams, I began to read revolutionary literature.., but also in my personal life.., I radically changed my actions.., I began to live with a sense of freedom and began to do things that were conventionally wrong. Alcohol, Drugs, Wild rides, wrong crowds, etc.. No matter how much you romanticize wrong, it always costs you bad. I found my life wrecked deeply and badly by the choices made, I found friends deserting me, I was the talk of the town, I found my version of true love disintegrate and self destruct, ruining me in the process.., I found myself in deep depression.., Haunted by my past, haunted by voices that kept accusing me of my flaws, failures, mistakes and blunders.. I found myself encountering a nervous breakdown in which I was close to complete insanity. For two weeks, I confined myself to a room and found myself shuddering with gripping pain, tears and hurt.., I had contemplated death many times over the years, but this time my conviction was real. I was going to jump off from the fourth floor and fall head first to the ground and kill myself in the most brutal way possible. For the first time in my life I felt no fear, inner sense or instinct towards my bad decision. But I wanted to curse, throw my vengeance and my anger at the Lord one last time for His ignorance of me. Imagine my surprise when I encountered Jesus as I screamed wretchedly for help in a last minute burst of clarity. All my life, the inner answer to my prayers in my mind had been emptiness, a wild flurry of confusing imagination and a sense that nobody was listening in, I had threatened the Lord multiple times that I was going to take my life if He didn’t show up and convince me of His actual presence.
Jesus rescued me even though I had not called out to Him directly. I had used the word, ‘God’ in generality, but I remember clearly that it was directed to the God of my childhood whom I clearly did not wish to talk to. What convinced me that I had been rescued by Jesus was the utter, absolute, inner conviction that I had been set free from my darkness, my pain, my shame, my hurt, my wounds and my debts. I could see my mind working without my will, it recreated all of my confusions, my worldly pain and shame and my hurts and my searches for God.., it ended at the foot of the two greatest verses that I have ever known. God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all. 1 John 1:5. and John 14:6, Jesus said, ‘ I am the way, the truth and the life no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.’. Again the creative sequence began unbidden, and created the most stunning display of why Jesus was God in a way that unique, personal and intimate to my heart.., Jesus was explaining to me in great detail that it was He who had saved me and that it was He who I was talking to. For the first time, it felt like God had broken the barriers of human consciousness and directly entered into my memory, my brain and my heart and revealed His true, absolute nature to me. Immediately I wondered what made me so different from the other tens of thousands who had died in prior days.., why was I alone getting another chance..? What made me so special..? I did not want the answers to be my parents prayers.., that did not make me feel special.., once again.., the inner voice began to speak into my heart.., that God had chosen me before the world began.., it told me that I was His priceless treasure and that I was chosen for His service.
The next few days I fell hard in love with Jesus. I couldn’t get enough of Him, I was always talking to Him, I was always kneeling to Him and asking for help. I wanted His help to forgive people who had abandoned me, I wanted His help to be fair to those who had scorned, ridiculed and mocked me, I wanted His help to help me believe deeper in Him.., I couldn’t get enough of Him. Over the course of the next few months, He would never leave me. The greatest miracle was that Jesus was always at my side.., His presence was always there in my heart.., His love was so deep and yet so ready and eager to love and accept me.., Jesus became my closest, most trusted and my only friend.., yet He is no human.., He is God Himself.., and yet He enjoyed a worthless fellow such as myself. His love never left my side for the next 8 months during which I got many supernatural visions, dreams and supernatural impartations of His love. In one dream, I saw His life, His ministry and His time here on earth. He had answered my request long back to know Him and His life here on earth intimately.., and the Lord was faithful to that demand. He revealed His entire life to me in a dream that I was shocked to encounter. For the first time in my life I was shocked to see how the Jesus I presumed I knew and the Jesus of the Bible were two entirely different people. The Jesus that I encountered during my eight long months of love and fellowship and the Jesus that I saw in my dream was so unbelievably kind, gentle, loving, accepting and friendly beyond anything and anyone that I had ever known. I was amazed and lost interest in all earthly and worldly people at that time. Where once I chased love, friendship and acceptance from the world, I now lost interest, and began to do everything in my will to know Him more.., to know Him more deeper and to ask Him for many many supernatural experiences.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
But the vision that sticks the most with me was the vision that I got about Hell. I knew that my miraculous escape, rescue and dramatic transformation were anything that I had ever known. All my life I have been bombarded with images of pettiness, with images of people so deeply rooted in ordinariness and meaninglessness that I struggled to find hope in something so radical. But yet here in my own life, in the midst of my own darkness was a light so powerful, so radical and so warm that I could not keep it to myself. I began to talk to everybody that I knew about it, if I was not being direct about it, I was going the indirect route.
It was early one morning when the vision came, it happened a week after I was saved. I call it a vision because it conveys a direct message to you, it connects to you personally, you know something on a deeper level that you normally can’t and it is Godly to its core. It is often a warning, a message or a revelation usually in a prophetic sense. This time it was all three. In the vision, I found myself in a dark place.., so dark and frightening.., yet there was an otherworldly sense of darkness to it, it was not like the familiar dark places that I would gravitate to during the long, humid nights and sit in silence in order to calm myself.., this darkness was filled with anguish, human hopelessness and fear. The vision conveyed to me that I was on the other side of life. I had died, and I was no longer alive. I immediately felt the familiar nerve stimulation begin, I was growing uneasy, anxious and highly scared. Slowly I begin to see a hazy form in the distance.., it was two other people who were coming towards me.., but their faces were forlorn, helpless and tremendously scared beyond their wildest dreams. They knelt down right next to me, I found myself kneeling as well. I saw two demonic spirits right in front of me. They were discussing things between themselves. It was at that time that I became conscious of a tremendous fire in the distance, I quickly realized that I was near a gateway of Hell and I was being sentenced or rather assessed before being thrown into the torments, the horrors and the realities of hell. I began to weep uncontrollably, sob with regret and sorrow.., I had missed my chances, all my life I had played a game of tricks with God and now I had reaped its benefits. I had just found out that it was I who had tricked myself in my great games and willful stubbornness. All my missed opportunities flashed before my eyes, I could hear the demons start talking. They were condemning and throwing one lost soul after another. They went to the first one and began to mock and growl in demonic glee that his life was over and that now they could torment him for eternity. I could see the man’s fear, horror and hopelessness in his eyes and face.., I felt so horrible, scared and sorry for him.., the same happened to the next one as well. I saw them being dragged away, against their will, with violent and murderous rage.., and then it was my turn.., I was sweating, hurting and becoming more and more terrified.., I had dreamt many times of the ways by which demonic beings would torment me if I did find myself in Hell and let me tell you none of them are enjoyable or nice, they are hellish violence played out in my mind. Here I was not protected by the Lord.., and in full vulnerability to these demonic beings. But just as they were about to approach me, I hear their whispers, they are speaking and saying the following…’ We can’t touch him.., His Lord has saved him.., we can’t do anything to him…’ and then in a flash, everything disappeared. Right as this vision ended, I woke up in a cold sweat, in terrified shock and horror, realizing how close I had been to ending up in Hell. The Lord helped me see how deep was His love for me, that was when I began to dedicate my life to serving Him fully.
A few more dreams did come up over the next four years, describing Hellish pain, horror and reality. But they cannot compare to the startling clarity, reality and horror of Hell that my first vision from the Lord offered. I was taken aback by it, shocked and clearly cognizant of Godly patience, love and long suffering in my life as it pertained to me. Friends I warn you with all of my heart to look to Jesus, this world is insulating you from realizing what is truly important.., it desensitizes your mind, your brain and your heart with tv, porn, reality and ordinariness over and over and makes you become bored, tired and exhausted in deeply seeking after GOD as your very life. Friends, let me tell you as a survivor of attempted suicide, and as a saved and rescued individual from God’s wrath, it is very real. To be honest it is more real than what we see, feel and know every day. Hell is eternal, horrible and never ending. It’s torments are horrible, wicked, cruel and unbelievably brutal. Sinners end there, Sinners who have not accepted Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. Sinners who were too proud to believe in Jesus but chased other gods, goddesses and phony doctrines and religions. Brothers and sisters, I warn you as a brother, an evangelist, as a wounded healer and as a Pastor in training, repent of your ways and Humble yourself before Jesus and ask for His forgiveness, Ask Him to become Lord of your life and give up what you love about this world.., this world is leading you to Hell.., you just don’t see it.., but it does.., Friends, I warn you again.., Save yourself or perish.