The Distance between her and I

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So close and yet so far,
the distance that exists between her and I.
She lives a few miles away,
but the distance between her heart and mine are a billion miles away,
I’m a curious seeker in my mind,
I just want to be able to understand,
How does she perceive..?
Does she go with her gut or does she go with her mind..?
How did she choose to move away..?
How does this world seem to her..?
Is her outer paraphrasing of reality inwardly feel bland..? Or is it Neurotic like mine..?
Perhaps it might be Acutely attached and sensitive like mine..?
Or does it repress information and focus selectively..?
Does she listen to music that excites the emotions..?
Or does she listen to music that intoxicates her imagination to dream..?
What prompted her to fall for that fair skinned, attractive extrovert and leave me – the dark skinned, shy dreamer..?
How does she reason it out..?
Switch sides..?
Act so cruel and yet pretend like it is for her best..?
Play dumb..?
How..?
How..?

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Too Real – Poem

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The problem that I face with the world
is that everything is too real and I am too soft..!
I believe in the absolute best despite facing a lifetime of evil, hurt and angst..,
My scars have deep wisdom.., but my heart has deeper innocence..,
A few days ago.., a girl who had dumped a guy was hacked to death by the guy she left.., no happy endings.., no background theme music.., just real evil happeing in a place used to daily routine and crowds.., what an ugly violent manifestation..,
A day before that murder.., she was alive.., happy.., possibly dreaming about clearing off the debt for her parents with her I.T. job.., but now she has become a tormented face that reminds people of cruelty…,
Will people remember her in the same way …?
We walk past homeless souls whose entire lives have been one big agony and we don’t flinch or even feel their pain..?
How cruel are we..? Do we realize that we are going to be asked such questions by the Lord at Judgment..?
I wonder if demons rejoiced at another lost soul lost to eternity..?
I wonder if the killer thought things through, I wonder if he saw past his own hurt..? Why dear Lord are we possessed of a will that exists only to bring ruin and shame unto us..?
How can you unsee such an atrocity..? how do you find the words for such a tragedy..?
What are you supposed to do when this is the routine in the world I feel, see and live..?
How can happiness be preached when death, cruelty, pain and suffering are all I see..?
But i’m not complaining.., I survived my suicide.., I experienced a hand reaching out to me from the supernatural realm and save a routine fatality..,
but still I am a healer in a world deeply at unease with the forces of brutality and discouragement..,
Each day I am haunted by what I see.., the more others don’t have… the more at unease I feel.
I can’t sleep.., the human soul is at unease and rushes into evil, murderous lust and wickedness.., I pray.., I am always acutely aware of the unrest.., of the living shadowy beings …, I am always aware that something is always at work around me.., my sensitivity feeds my inner life with what my natural eyes can’t ever see…,
I pray for my town regularly.., I pray for souls to know the truth that can set them free.., I pray for Angelic protection for my brethren living in places infested with hate.., thievery and fear.., I pray for natural man to encounter the spiritual force of Christ.., I pray for eyes to see.., for ears to hear and for hearts to feel God..,
I dream sometimes that God will save us all.., I dream sometimes that I can build a shelter for homeless dogs.., I dream someday that the Church that I build will shelter homeless people in the night.
I dream sometimes that Hell will become empty.., It’s real sad to know the fate of the world.., Friends you still have a life.., seek the truths of Jesus and be absolutely sure in your conviction of Him if you are going to reject Him.., Narrow is the path that leads to life and few there are that find it.

Testing to see if God is real – The Mystery of God

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The problem with a belief in God is in how we can comprehend Him through our natural senses that have an excellent capacity to read and understand the world around us if we teach ourselves to watch, observe and learn. God only provides us with evidence in our natural senses of His existence.. Nature.., the Birds.., the skies.., the Animals.., they all have His genius embedded into it.., our own bodies bear testament to His incredible powers of creation.., The Bible bears witness to His presence.., Christ following believers are called to bear testament and witness to Him who is unseen and invisible.., but it seldom feels enough. Discovering or realizing that a God can exist seems fantastic, amazing and incredible but yet we don’t want it to be true since it would mean that we are in turn transferred to a rigorous sect who have to be Absolutely perfect. God is a spirit.., and that is why we have to encounter Him ‘spiritually’ and not naturally.., a born again experience guarantees you a lifelong connection with the Lord by an amazing Godly gift given to you.., His spirit that comes to dwell within you and Him offering a new spirit which is going to life out your supernatural faith in Him who is unseen but is everywhere.

The problem is that we are bombarded with contrary realities that convince us that it is impossible to think that a God can exist for , but truly think about it.., it is a conclusion that you draw merely by what you have encountered thus far….the world, the Universe and our own lives have never encountered Him.., don’t be discouraged brother and sister.., those are done on purpose.., God loves when souls seek their creator.., He draws us to Himself through the events of our lives.., We clearly see the deep restless despair that exists in our lives in all that we love, trust and hold on desperately for all the while dreaming about the real, unbreakable one.., Friends our imagination testifies to our deeper longings for absolutes.., but we have not learned to see that yet.., Friends Absolutes exist only in God.., everything else contains only half truths.., and half expressions performed by learning, transference and human beings conforming to mere existence.

God has to exist, for everything else is insanely done without any meaning or direction whatsoever.., God narrows down the roads that we are to seek when we wish to encounter Him. I have taken multiple roads to seek Him.., Hinduism.., Jainism.., Yoga.., Mysticism.., the Occult.., Spirit Animals.., Buddhism.., Zen.., Spirit Guides.., the Paranormal.., they all gave me experiences that I can never forget.., but they also left me wanting for more.., a lot more than I could comprehend or even find the language to understand my own inner soul’s intense longing… check for that desire always dear friends.. for the Bible tells us that only God satisfies the heart.., anything that does not completely satisfy our souls, our hearts and our minds can never be God.., Reject it for you have an eternity to pay for your error, deception and belief… another observation is that God creates situations where we can encounter Him on a deeper, more personal level in order to understand Him away from the Bible but then that understanding has to lead you to the Bible in order to help you get a refined, life tested, trials shaped reality of Him in order for your Faith to follow Him on a day to day basis… Many understand what it feels like to be sad.., hurt… wounded.., but how many of us seek the healing power of God…? We share it with friends whose support we unconsciously become attached to but end up realizing that they are not who we want them to be rather bitterly.., we learn to overcome it with anger, discipline and intellect.., but we miss God.., we don’t humble ourselves and go as we are to Christ.., we go there for only healing.., but God wants us for life..! He knows how to heal our souls, our hearts and our minds eternally.., but we only long for temporary things that will change over a period of time.., We don’t want permanent solutions.., we only desire temporary answers that make us feel good about our own self.., we seldom understand that to seek God is to exalt His glory above our own.., but many of us only enjoy our own imperfect glory and we fall deeper in love with our own selves and lesser with God.

Another way.., Read the Bible.. satisfy your curiosity.., Friends I must warn you..,reading your Bible can leave you eternally changed.., go and read it with every doubt, confusion and conflict that you have.. take all your grandiose intellectual confusion.. your highest philosophical realization and your deepest psychological assessment and find yourself encountering the very words of God written by men like you and me inspired by the Holy Spirit. Test it, examine it and study it.., you won’t regret it.., it can help you find the truths of this God that we all wish to find but few have the intensity, the desire and the passion to find.

My beautiful, sweet mess – Short Poem

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How strange this desire to want, need, thirst for and crave someone…?
Tell me where can I take shelter from this obsessive pressure..?
I want to run away from this crazy heart that I possess,
Run like Joseph did from Potiphar’s wife.
Do you wanna know why..?

There is a reason I am pouring out my heart to you listener with a seeking heart,
because I am afraid for what it has done unto me in the past,
it has left marks and scars where formerly dreams used to hide.
My eyes, they don’t see colors anymore,
I am a man who now shuns his eyes.

I am afraid to desire her,
I know that I want her,
but you see, that is the problem.
I had convinced myself that I needn’t care.
I have come past ghouls and horrors that once tortured my soul.
Dreamer that I am, I suffered reality’s cruel strikes,
Demons played and wrecked a tremendous destruction upon my soul.
Dragging me even unto the gates of death.
But my curse seems to pull me into complicated situations that are full of
wreckage and mindless abandonment.

She has another,
Everything that I feel for her,
this intensity, this deep desire of my soul to possess her soul,
She feels for somebody else,
You know that I can’t bear a truth such as that,
How did I get myself into this mess..?
I am not going to psycho analyze every contact with her with my heart’s
detective lens, I know when somebody wants somebody else..,
I really really do.. It hurts like every ache in the universe
has decided to cry.

Why am I staying here, waiting in painful uncertain obliviousness..?
Why do I enjoy this stinging pain of yet another disaster..?
I believe that I enjoy being the martyr..,
I believe that I enjoy the chase, the challenge,
the thrill, and the exhilaration.
I know that I see myself as a hero in hiding, who will pounce upon whoever he believes in his heart is his princess..,
I wonder if I truly do need her..?

I wish I could play music – Short Poem

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I wish I could play music,
or write songs, I seriously wish I could.
I want to fall in love with someone who can,
because there is so much music in my soul.
I have so many feelings that are just waiting to get out.
I have so many dark photographs that just need lyrical
painting to meet,
I want to bring to life what people thought could never happen,
I want to lash out at the darkness of this world and do so with fearlessness,
I want to have the last word,
I want people to notice what I say,
I want people to use my emotions to find their own,
For once I want to say that this is mine, here take it,
use up all my bottled up, unreleased childhood darkness
and use it to guide your heart,
I want to mourn over sadness other than mine,
I want to create worlds that last beyond this other one that we are all alive in,
I want to offer light, I want to make someone’s heart happier than mine,
I want to put music to love, to joy, to anguish and to everything else that constitutes who we are as people,
I want people to fall in love to what I could search and prophecy about the human heart,
I want people to finally find it in their heart to open their hearts to God, when there is nowhere left to turn,
I want to make people hear the songs of Angels amidst the chaotic chitter chatter of evening traffic,
I want to make people believe in the real things that matter,
but hey I am just a dreamer with a song that only I can hear,
Lord, if you are listening, I would really appreciate it if you could make
me sing without making people lose hope in my howling and growling.

Respiration

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I live in a city that ain’t living,
I perceive a barren distance between hardened hearts and busy indifferent collision,
Strangers caught up in real real dreams,
I breathe in what I can’t take, I see what is hard to compress,
So much of my mind is a cave obscuring a hidden evening,
The city is used to never stopping, I write a story out of beats and rhymes,
Using poems to grab on to the gravity of meaning and things like quantum significance,
Is there any hope left for all of these lost arguing, blasting deeper into the hardcore vacuum…?
my sins are always deceiving, I am the flesh of this fallen city,
Darkness is my spirit, Evil roams my eternal struggles,
Who is on top of this..? Bad words are indisputable narcotics,
The young abandoned kids are on the road to becoming punks and robbers,
Social Wounds are open and the light illuminates it for all to see.
I haven’t found words yet for things that I feel but I can’t express since
I am a slave to existence,
they catch me off guard like a masked assassin,
There is a Godly longing keeping us all from murdering each other.
I wrestle with this paradox of my own inner malady,
I am wrestling always with impacts, emotions and verbs,
Being normal and raw will make you a patient of fatal causality,
The Moon is not arguing while we are bustling and wrestling with
demons and fallen sinful carnal instincts,
I am the Batman of this despicable metropolis,
I am the Batman of this village town that has to be treated with favoritism like a preferred child,
I spit open knowledge, so capture the wisdom from the air,
and seldom rest like bright stars and nervous inner emotions.

The Silken Carpet of the Dark

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The night is when I am truly alive,
I find myself speaking to ghosts from memories past,
conversing with dreams and hope,
longing deep and more,
The night is what I am made of.
I speak often to God,
sinking slow into the billions of atomic shores
that are not enough to capture his infinite, unfathomable
heart.
I pick apart each thought,
the heart is no longer a maddening
series of shocks, reactions and preoccupations.
The weight of the world has eased off my heart,
I lose myself in the furthest stars,
whose crinkling glows pierces my own heart.
I act deranged, trying to stuff all the empty silence into
the inward chambers of my heart… I long to inject them
whenever I weep for Freedom when the ambulance sirens return
in the hot and dusty mornings,
when the difficult, self worshipping egos cloaked in
religious righteousness return and clamor for obsessive attention,
when the sickness, the poverty and the inability of my own
brokenness returns and I see myself with hatred and sadness…,
Tell me how I can fit the architectural depth of the uncommon peace
that the night offers into my Dreamer’s starry, murky, unspoken heart.
The night is when I truly desire to live,
the day is but a labyrinth for me to maneouver through.
I am clueless and lost, who are all these strangers..?
Why can’t I remember their faces..?
Who will remember me..? Who can look past my mask..?
When will God appear to me…?

– The Poet of the Unseen