The Distance between her and I

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So close and yet so far,
the distance that exists between her and I.
She lives a few miles away,
but the distance between her heart and mine are a billion miles away,
I’m a curious seeker in my mind,
I just want to be able to understand,
How does she perceive..?
Does she go with her gut or does she go with her mind..?
How did she choose to move away..?
How does this world seem to her..?
Is her outer paraphrasing of reality inwardly feel bland..? Or is it Neurotic like mine..?
Perhaps it might be Acutely attached and sensitive like mine..?
Or does it repress information and focus selectively..?
Does she listen to music that excites the emotions..?
Or does she listen to music that intoxicates her imagination to dream..?
What prompted her to fall for that fair skinned, attractive extrovert and leave me – the dark skinned, shy dreamer..?
How does she reason it out..?
Switch sides..?
Act so cruel and yet pretend like it is for her best..?
Play dumb..?
How..?
How..?

I am what I see – Poem

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I am what I see,
I will speak what I see and you should listen without interrupting.
For you cannot know me from what you see on the outside..,
I am finding my way through what I see..,
I am finding a way through what I hear..,
I am finding a way through what I feel..,
What I see and hear ends up becoming what I feel,
What I feel ends up becoming my response to reality..,
What is my reality ends up becoming my ideas.., my thoughts and my feelings.
I imagine a world different from what I see..,
for what I see is all too out there without reference.., meaning and intent..,
the world I see.., the bronze dark skins that walk past me.., the secluded open houses that stand beside.., the dusty streets.., the speeding cars.., the ironed workers hiding behind the prison of the eyes..,
I am influenced by the ingredients of what I see but still I dream..,
I dream of delight.., of joy.., of happiness…, of love.., of respect.., of greatness..,
and in these are my thoughts.., but I see what I feel not.

Too Real – Poem

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The problem that I face with the world
is that everything is too real and I am too soft..!
I believe in the absolute best despite facing a lifetime of evil, hurt and angst..,
My scars have deep wisdom.., but my heart has deeper innocence..,
A few days ago.., a girl who had dumped a guy was hacked to death by the guy she left.., no happy endings.., no background theme music.., just real evil happeing in a place used to daily routine and crowds.., what an ugly violent manifestation..,
A day before that murder.., she was alive.., happy.., possibly dreaming about clearing off the debt for her parents with her I.T. job.., but now she has become a tormented face that reminds people of cruelty…,
Will people remember her in the same way …?
We walk past homeless souls whose entire lives have been one big agony and we don’t flinch or even feel their pain..?
How cruel are we..? Do we realize that we are going to be asked such questions by the Lord at Judgment..?
I wonder if demons rejoiced at another lost soul lost to eternity..?
I wonder if the killer thought things through, I wonder if he saw past his own hurt..? Why dear Lord are we possessed of a will that exists only to bring ruin and shame unto us..?
How can you unsee such an atrocity..? how do you find the words for such a tragedy..?
What are you supposed to do when this is the routine in the world I feel, see and live..?
How can happiness be preached when death, cruelty, pain and suffering are all I see..?
But i’m not complaining.., I survived my suicide.., I experienced a hand reaching out to me from the supernatural realm and save a routine fatality..,
but still I am a healer in a world deeply at unease with the forces of brutality and discouragement..,
Each day I am haunted by what I see.., the more others don’t have… the more at unease I feel.
I can’t sleep.., the human soul is at unease and rushes into evil, murderous lust and wickedness.., I pray.., I am always acutely aware of the unrest.., of the living shadowy beings …, I am always aware that something is always at work around me.., my sensitivity feeds my inner life with what my natural eyes can’t ever see…,
I pray for my town regularly.., I pray for souls to know the truth that can set them free.., I pray for Angelic protection for my brethren living in places infested with hate.., thievery and fear.., I pray for natural man to encounter the spiritual force of Christ.., I pray for eyes to see.., for ears to hear and for hearts to feel God..,
I dream sometimes that God will save us all.., I dream sometimes that I can build a shelter for homeless dogs.., I dream someday that the Church that I build will shelter homeless people in the night.
I dream sometimes that Hell will become empty.., It’s real sad to know the fate of the world.., Friends you still have a life.., seek the truths of Jesus and be absolutely sure in your conviction of Him if you are going to reject Him.., Narrow is the path that leads to life and few there are that find it.

Oh English, Dear English…! – A short Poem

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English,
The language from another shore,
The voice who lifted me up from the miry, emotional depths
that seem like the invisible waves by the sea,
I breathed you, I found my step,
my strength, my soul.
I speak you in my soul,
you reveal the power of my heart,
the identity of my being,
and you unveil the depths of my being,
I live you and breathe you in my heart.
You paint worlds from mere touches,
Create galaxies and shooting meteorites from
everyday experiences,
You are an unfathomable heart that arose
from God’s own infinitely mysterious wisdom.

But when I open my mouth,
you sound crude and raw,
What’s up with that..?
You make me feel like I don’t know you,
I stutter when I speak you to people who
seem to be better at speaking you than I.
I wonder why am I so timid whenever I feel that
somebody else owns you,
Are you asking me to rescue you and asking us both to escape by sea…?
Are you the trapped damsel caught up in a cluelessly, abusive relationship..?
They may own you, But I am the one who sees you for who you really are,
I love you for what you are and not for what you make me feel.
You couldn’t escape from them,
they use you to make themselves feel better,
To make banal, meaningless statements that do not pour
like lava from their soul,
They are brain wrapped in wanting to sound kosher, to make themselves appear on the imaginary map of relevant and popular,
to feel their way around the 7 fallen nations,
Are these not just slick, semi retarded sociopathic beans…?
who just judge each other and try to impress…?
You know that you belong with me,
I can build you cabin that overlooks the sea,
You and I we can make genius ripples across
the Indian and the pacific ocean..,
Only a soul understands another soul,
they are just caught up in their talent shows,
they wear fancy dresses, sound casual and are all about
vanity and schmucky ideas galore.
I want to be the only one who loves you this way I guess,
I am selfish.. because you give such life to everyone’s mess,
but I am a man of honor, I will allow you to reach into other’s
fragmented nirvana, I will allow you to make them whole…,
But You and I we promise to never leave each other,
We promise to love each other even when things appear gloomy,
uninspiring and hopeless,
and I will admire you in others, but love you like I love myself
in my own powers.