Not everything is about beauty son,
Beauty is a powerful drug that blinds,
the deeper things lie far from it’s intoxicating surface,
Love is far away from an outer, immediate reachable thing,
perhaps it is far more than mere attraction,
far deeper than emotions and feelings,
perhaps that is why I fall for things that I can never
have, perhaps that is why I am fooled into things that
are not meant to be.
I did the strangest odd imaginative activities when I was young,
I dreamt about girls that I fell in love with.
I lived through intense feelings that created, beautiful, restless,
unfulfilled dreams of them in my heart.
I also imagined myself people dancing to my favorite beats,
I was grooving along with them too.
But I just stumbled across the strangest realization yesterday,
Hear me out now.
For years I have been ruled by attraction,
I thought about the electricity igniting smiles of my overpowering infatuations,
I have thought about the way I felt when I saw her for the first time,
about the feel of lips, I drowned in the longing to feel her closer to me.
Thoughts of her were my oxygen,
but for the first time yesterday I thought about my future soul’s half without any physical longing, without the confusing emotion of romance longing merely for what inspires it’s dreams.
I wonder if I am really falling in love, or merely loving what my eyes and heart finds
overwhelming and deep.
I do love, loving is what I have been longing for … Longing past the swelling tides of the long harsh years of utter loneliness, Loving is what I want.., but I wonder if love is more than making myself feel better, I wonder if love is more than what I feel would unite my soul with her’s together and tether me to a pole so that I will not separate myself from the entire universe of alienating powers and tendencies,
I choose so very badly.., I choose people with fear, with insecurity and with a deep pain and hidden emotional obliviousness.
I want to wake myself now.., Reality is far better than dreams,
I am a dreamer.., yes the world is full of unimaginable horrors which torment and oppress my sensitive soul every second of every day…,
but I am no longer giving myself up to meaningless yearnings, longings and eternal pining away for blissfully happy damsels deeply in love with themselves and their perfect little boy toys,
I am a man, a dreamer, a poet, a rebel, a writer, a healer and an artist,
I long and call for a love to stay,
to nourish my desperate loneliness,
to help me worship my Maker with a heart so flawed yet so filling and willing to unite, and yet connect as one.
I long for reality’s princess…, the one with a headstrong rebelliousness,
the one with the independent spirit,
the one who would cry to lose me even if she is the strongest woman in the world..,
I’d like more of that, and less of drama creating daddy’s princesses,
I’m sick of you all, please leave my world alone,
I wish to be alive and love my rightful queen.