My beautiful, sweet mess – Short Poem

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How strange this desire to want, need, thirst for and crave someone…?
Tell me where can I take shelter from this obsessive pressure..?
I want to run away from this crazy heart that I possess,
Run like Joseph did from Potiphar’s wife.
Do you wanna know why..?

There is a reason I am pouring out my heart to you listener with a seeking heart,
because I am afraid for what it has done unto me in the past,
it has left marks and scars where formerly dreams used to hide.
My eyes, they don’t see colors anymore,
I am a man who now shuns his eyes.

I am afraid to desire her,
I know that I want her,
but you see, that is the problem.
I had convinced myself that I needn’t care.
I have come past ghouls and horrors that once tortured my soul.
Dreamer that I am, I suffered reality’s cruel strikes,
Demons played and wrecked a tremendous destruction upon my soul.
Dragging me even unto the gates of death.
But my curse seems to pull me into complicated situations that are full of
wreckage and mindless abandonment.

She has another,
Everything that I feel for her,
this intensity, this deep desire of my soul to possess her soul,
She feels for somebody else,
You know that I can’t bear a truth such as that,
How did I get myself into this mess..?
I am not going to psycho analyze every contact with her with my heart’s
detective lens, I know when somebody wants somebody else..,
I really really do.. It hurts like every ache in the universe
has decided to cry.

Why am I staying here, waiting in painful uncertain obliviousness..?
Why do I enjoy this stinging pain of yet another disaster..?
I believe that I enjoy being the martyr..,
I believe that I enjoy the chase, the challenge,
the thrill, and the exhilaration.
I know that I see myself as a hero in hiding, who will pounce upon whoever he believes in his heart is his princess..,
I wonder if I truly do need her..?

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Melting, Gripping Echoes – Poem

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Echoes of a billion souls,
Rising up to the highest heavens,
Aching with the void in the depths of their soul,
Why do we feel so alone here again..?
Don’t God love us as evil as we all are..?
Are our feeble, selfish prayers ever heard..?
Verses in an ancient book that seem to testify
to hope supernatural yet found in plain sight,
The Earth’s misery cries every day, But not everyone
perceives, When will the invisible screams still…?
Are there Angels walking among us..?
Why do I find it so hard to believe..?
We live in hell’s upper dens,
darkness gnaws away at our flimsy foundations,
we are helpless and possess no power to war against
the evil that lurks within and around,
We are thrown about, putting our hopes on decay,
we need something to numb the eternal, restless and anguished pain,
Lord… Do you even care about us..?
Broken as we are, Are you out there…?
Can you hear my tears, my pain and my suffering..?
I feel so alone again.

She Left Me – A Poem

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Who do I write this to..?

Who dares to listen and feel without Judgment..?

She belonged to the brats, the flamboyant and the self confident,

They took careful precautions to create worlds that contained drops

of the Western world and their raging, empowering ambitions,

I met her when I was just slowly discovering the wealth within myself,

Our paths crossed,

I felt that she was a bright, gleaming star, who inspired sighs and wishes,

She probably would look much better with someone Rich and Assertive,

With some Modern, Pseudo Socialite Appearing Indian with his own car

and an accent that spoke of a private education,

not with a Shy Dreamer who enjoyed the stars and climbed lonely mountains,

But for some reason I wanted her, I wanted to love her,

I wanted my heart to think only of her,

And she gave me mixed signals,

On some days it was I can’t get enough of you,

On others, it was.. Don’t get in my way.

But my life’s inward spaces seemed impoverished for a wealthy snob such as her,

I couldn’t fake her clique’s self assured enthusiasm, or promise her exotic getaways,

I could only promise her my love, poor as it may appear to be,

But she was too busy being the object of Men’s interests,

So I turned into the Great Gatsby and pined away for her,

I wrote her love poems,

I spoke to her through silence, I offered my soul when her anguish intensified,

I comforted her through my weirdness, I hugged her when she lied to protect her deceitfulness,

I enjoyed her moody snobbishness, her rudeness made her endearing,

I enjoyed her continual rejections which she lavished on me without reasons,

But still I was drastically different, I accepted her soul,

and not her body, her wealth or her outward beauty or her seeming intelligence,

and she loved me for it. But She did not know what to expect, Nobody had ever loved her like this.

She was used to being chased, worshiped and bowed down to,

I wanted to do nothing of that sort.

I despised false appearances, impressions and pride,

She thrived on what I despised.., but still I felt her drawn to me,

I was warm, she was cold,

I was shy, she was bold,

I was fearless and Blunt, She was Sharp and Fierce,

I despised her world, she found comfort in mine,

We met in sparks of passion but then she retreated away, fearful and defiant.

She wanted me, and I knew it.., but she wanted more.. She wanted me in a

fashion that suited her refined tastes and sophisticated meaninglessness.

I was never asked to make a choice, or given much notice.

She began to slowly pull away as the winds grew in power,

She did not understand a love that demanded everything,

She had not loved without comforts, pleasure and riches,

She had not loved someone for their heart,

She did not know a love that was sacrificing, enduring and generous,

I could see it in her eyes, in the way she leaned on me and yet made

me feel unwanted,

I could see it in her words, they were cutting and full of condescension,

I was being let off, there were no more late night phone calls,

No more cute messages with smileys and kissing animations,

I was no longer as desirable as she had thought.

Weren’t opposites supposed to attract…?

I had no claim on her, I could not hold her with memories of what had been,

She seemed to grow more and more far and oblivious,

I had been discarded, her use of me had ended,

I was being let off, fired, transferred, abandoned, forsaken.

I no longer meant anything to her,

I had been a brief brilliant glow of light in a shallow pool of darkness,

but now I was mere ashes,

I had been cast off, She had left me,

It stung, It hurt and It worsened day by day.

My sweet, fierce, snob left me and decided never

to associate with me ever again,

Why can’t happy endings happen in real life…?

Why can’t Wallflowers love Bright, Vibrant Damsels whose vigor was the intoxication of

the oppressed and the systematized…?

Why couldn’t She love me..?

Beats, Rhymes and Life – A poem

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Beats, Rhymes and Life,

My life set against the beat of an old Hip Hop Rhyme.

I am an universe of hidden secrets,

My life is a sermon on the Moon’s pulpit,

I survived death and demonic voices,

I would like to be left alone,

I am a wolf inhabiting the dark blackness,

A dog left all alone in a room without voices,

Tears in forgotten jars locked up in heaven,

Mad souls withering away in padded cells in lunatic asylums,

Struggle is my heart’s witness,

Truth the glimpse of hope as I am lost in my Heart’s madness,

Too many lost chances, too many heart wrenching one sided infatuations,

I wonder if I can ever make it to Heaven…,

I wonder if I can live the words that I preach to others,

When will I ever overcome my soul’s bloody madness…?

Shadows

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Shadows,

I’ve always been one,

Everybody sees the light,

Nobody cares about the shadow,

Whose eyes can see..?

Riddles trapped within souls and trees,

My wars, My struggles, My life,

My will, My heart,

I am invisible,

Lost and free.