Why do I pray..? – A poem

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Prayer for most of you is a habit, a ritual, a practice for you to feel better.
A last minute after thought that
For me it is therapy, oxygen… Life and sanity.
The Universe, this earth, my country, my state, my street,
I fail to understand it all,
there are way too many dots, too many out of place puzzle pieces,
What one is left with is an enormous mess, a chaos that one has grown used to,
and a murky insensitivity that the heart reacts when its anchor has untethered.

For me it is finding my place of calm,
Exchanging my place of finite instability for God’s infinite stability and power,
Prayer is where I can let go of things that I did not even know I was holding on to,
Most people in life boast about themselves, I do myself,
They say I can’t hold on to anger, I can easily forgive, I don’t keep grudges,
but me on the other hand, I don’t trust myself that easily,
or give away false promises, I know who I am.
I know how evil, sinful and wretched that I can be,
I ask God to give me strength to deal with these glaring errors that occur by nature.
Human nature is limited, and I have known it since forever,
I only want God’s help and strength, I fear my own…
For it leads to pride, unnecessary egoic dictations, power
that only contribute to a false sense of security.

I pray because I need it,
This world is hard for a dreamer and a rebel such as me,
it is my confusion and pain that exerts its wisdom,
it is my hurt and heart that know life’s powers,
I need a strength greater than my own to cope with this madness.
I need God’s friendship often,
because I fail often… I do things that I have promised Him I wouldn’t,
I do things that I despise,
I hurt easily and break without anyone’s knowledge.
I pray because God offers His love freely,
I pray because without God my life has no heart, no love and no good.
I pray because without GOD I am nothing and will become nothing.

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