Who do I write this to..?
Who dares to listen and feel without Judgment..?
She belonged to the brats, the flamboyant and the self confident,
They took careful precautions to create worlds that contained drops
of the Western world and their raging, empowering ambitions,
I met her when I was just slowly discovering the wealth within myself,
Our paths crossed,
I felt that she was a bright, gleaming star, who inspired sighs and wishes,
She probably would look much better with someone Rich and Assertive,
With some Modern, Pseudo Socialite Appearing Indian with his own car
and an accent that spoke of a private education,
not with a Shy Dreamer who enjoyed the stars and climbed lonely mountains,
But for some reason I wanted her, I wanted to love her,
I wanted my heart to think only of her,
And she gave me mixed signals,
On some days it was I can’t get enough of you,
On others, it was.. Don’t get in my way.
But my life’s inward spaces seemed impoverished for a wealthy snob such as her,
I couldn’t fake her clique’s self assured enthusiasm, or promise her exotic getaways,
I could only promise her my love, poor as it may appear to be,
But she was too busy being the object of Men’s interests,
So I turned into the Great Gatsby and pined away for her,
I wrote her love poems,
I spoke to her through silence, I offered my soul when her anguish intensified,
I comforted her through my weirdness, I hugged her when she lied to protect her deceitfulness,
I enjoyed her moody snobbishness, her rudeness made her endearing,
I enjoyed her continual rejections which she lavished on me without reasons,
But still I was drastically different, I accepted her soul,
and not her body, her wealth or her outward beauty or her seeming intelligence,
and she loved me for it. But She did not know what to expect, Nobody had ever loved her like this.
She was used to being chased, worshiped and bowed down to,
I wanted to do nothing of that sort.
I despised false appearances, impressions and pride,
She thrived on what I despised.., but still I felt her drawn to me,
I was warm, she was cold,
I was shy, she was bold,
I was fearless and Blunt, She was Sharp and Fierce,
I despised her world, she found comfort in mine,
We met in sparks of passion but then she retreated away, fearful and defiant.
She wanted me, and I knew it.., but she wanted more.. She wanted me in a
fashion that suited her refined tastes and sophisticated meaninglessness.
I was never asked to make a choice, or given much notice.
She began to slowly pull away as the winds grew in power,
She did not understand a love that demanded everything,
She had not loved without comforts, pleasure and riches,
She had not loved someone for their heart,
She did not know a love that was sacrificing, enduring and generous,
I could see it in her eyes, in the way she leaned on me and yet made
me feel unwanted,
I could see it in her words, they were cutting and full of condescension,
I was being let off, there were no more late night phone calls,
No more cute messages with smileys and kissing animations,
I was no longer as desirable as she had thought.
Weren’t opposites supposed to attract…?
I had no claim on her, I could not hold her with memories of what had been,
She seemed to grow more and more far and oblivious,
I had been discarded, her use of me had ended,
I was being let off, fired, transferred, abandoned, forsaken.
I no longer meant anything to her,
I had been a brief brilliant glow of light in a shallow pool of darkness,
but now I was mere ashes,
I had been cast off, She had left me,
It stung, It hurt and It worsened day by day.
My sweet, fierce, snob left me and decided never
to associate with me ever again,
Why can’t happy endings happen in real life…?
Why can’t Wallflowers love Bright, Vibrant Damsels whose vigor was the intoxication of
the oppressed and the systematized…?
Why couldn’t She love me..?