I am rather forgetful these days,
all my ideas seem to dissolve,
in a mental chemical daze.
I worry sometimes that I feel too much.
How can a man such as myself live in a world that does not care…?
How can I absorb in regularity that which I seek to escape..?
Truth is that it is not reality that is harsh,
it is evil.
The evil that we inherited into our souls, our hearts and our minds
The evil that we sugarcoat, dismiss, adjust to and often times disguise.
It is this nefarious presence that eats away at our gullible human nature.
I accept everything based on how it makes me feel.
I wonder if that is the problem,
I hate tried to switch it all off.
I wish feelings were a button,
but they are a soup and a storm,
seeping in through the valves and the pores.
I have an old soul,
I seem to understand things that I can’t explain.
Sometimes certain places exert their character upon me,
and I wander foolishly pretending that nothing ever changed,
but inwardly I can’t understand this sudden exertion,
This heart of mine is more occupied with outer suggestions.
I love it when something that I imbibe and learn truly releases me.
It is as though I was in a deep oblivion,
existing for many years in a senseless blindness,
never realizing something so simple, yet so mind altering.
Perhaps it is the ‘value’ and ‘meaning’ contained within them that touches me.
I enjoy intimacy with such truths and wisdom,
they treat me well… Certain truths strike me and rebuke me,
I find then that my heart intuitively hardens and disconnects.
The truth then becomes relentless,
plowing and hammering away at my defenses.
I must confess that it is this pain that stops my progress.
I wonder if what people write about and talk are real..!
So often I can’t see it anywhere.
I hate it when people write me off based on certain labels and beliefs.
My heart does not think in the way that you want me to.
I often see that it is people and their reactions that are inflammatory,
their emotions that are high and strained,
the events themselves are as aloof and detached as the collective conscience,